April-May, 2008
DE-TOXIFYING NPS MANAGEMENT![]() THUNDERBEAR readers will recall an article in Issue # 274 entitled "The Many Tasks of Mary Bomar" in which we politely suggested some tasks that the Director of the National Park Service might like to pursue during the remainder of her tenure. (The length of that tenure is problematical: given the Democrats proven ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, Mary's tenure could last nearly 9 more years, should she want the job.) At any rate, one of the goals we suggested for Ms Bomar and the NPS was the improvement in the morale of the National Park Service. Ah, but is this really a problem, you ask? Does not every middle class boy or girl dream of becoming a park ranger? Indeed, does not every Park Service employee drop to his/her knees during evening prayers and thank God for their being in the NPS? Not necessarily: The Institute for the Study of Public Policy, based at American University, Washington, DC in cooperation with the magazine US NEWS & WORLD REPORT did a study on job satisfaction in some 220 federal agencies. The National Park Service came in at 160; going the wrong way. Readers may recall that the NPS was beaten in job satisfaction by every other federal land management agency; the Bureau of Land Management scored 157; the US Forest Service 143 and the US Fish & Wildlife Service came in at a rather respectable 80. Most surprising (and discouraging) is the score of the Federal Bureau of Prisons. That agency came in with a remarkable score of 67. One could construe that this means it is more than twice as much fun being a federal prison guard as being a park ranger! This would be a wrong assumption as there is obviously a difference in expectations. No one becomes a prison guard with the idea that they are going to be happy and that life will be a bowl of cherries. Apparently however, they are pleasantly surprised with the degree of training, professionalism and above all, support by management that they are given. On the other hand, many people join the National Park Service with the expectation that it is a happy agency and that they in turn will be happy. Apparently, they are quickly disabused of this idea. By management. We say "Apparently." Could it be that the American University study is incorrect or even malevolent? (After all, these Northeastern universities are hot beds of liberal thought and anti-administration bias.) So, in the interests of fair play, we asked David Barna, spokesperson for the National Park Service, if the NPS had prepared a response to the American University Study. Regarding low NPS job satisfaction. His reply is as follows:
PJ Mr. Barna is to be complemented for speedy (one day!) response as well as not denying the truth of the study and admitting there is a problem. The last sentence is of particular interest as it indicates that Mary would like to see the National Park Service move from 160 to the Top Ten, presumably on her watch. Now moving from 160 into the top ten in job satisfaction is going to require a quantum leap in personnel management. Can it be done? Jim Brady seems to think so. Brady, as you know from reading his interview .in # 269 of THUNDERBEAR, is the much honored former Chief Ranger of the National Park Service. He had read "The Many Tasks of Mary Bomar and believed that NPS job satisfaction could be radically improved (Moving from 160 to say, 10, would indeed be radical!) How could this be done? we inquired. Quite simple, said Brady with his usual confidence. "All you have to do is De- Toxify Management." We asked him to be a wee bit more specific. "The first step, according to Brady, "is to create and maintain a positive/supportive work environment where you shape the employees' behavior instead of grading employees' behavior." How is this to be done? Well, Brady has agreed to provide a tool kit to do just that! Here is the first installment:
THE SAFETY MESSAGE, OR REAL MEN DO EAT QUICHE
Every so often the Washington Office of the Department of the Interior will send out a memo inquiring of each regional office and of each park what they had done for Safety on one particular day.
Now neighbors, this is a bit like the Pope asking his bishops to ask their priests what, exactly, had they done to prevent Sin on one particular day? Unlike the Pope, the DOI always wants a written report. Dan Sholly, a Chief Ranger of the NPS, a storied Yellowstone Chief Ranger, then Chief Ranger at Big Cypress, came up with a "What we Did For Safety" gimmick that is actually useful. Sholly came up with something called "Wake up to Safety." What it was is a Safety Breakfast. Dan got a couple of his staff to help him make a Quiche Breakfast for the entire BICY staff. Quiche? (Yeah, that's what I thought too!) HOWEVER, Quiche has its merits; it is as easy to make as flap jacks and is tastier. By adding broccoli and other vegetables, Sholly was subtly pushing a heart safe message. Attendance was mandatory, and as payment for breakfast. each park division was required to put on a 15 minute program on "Accident Near Misses and how they could be avoided in the Future" (No one likes to talk about an accident they had; virtually everyone like to talk about a "narrow escape", "Good Luck", Divine Intervention, God's Plan, etc; It's a quirk of human nature that can be used as a teaching tool) Sholly led off with one of his own near misses at Yellowstone. He was pulling a horse trailer full of horses up a winding, narrow park road full of mid summer visitor traffic. After hitting a few potholes, the horse trailer suddenly became unmanageable, jackknifed and nearly sent truck, trailer, Sholly, horses and all, over a cliff. Fortunately, there were no injuries, though the horses were loudly complaining about government incompetence as were the taxpayers in the mile long back up behind and in front of the jack-knifed rig. Sholly unloaded the horses and got things sorted out. What had happened was quite simple; there was a metal sleeve that slipped over the ball of the trailer hitch and prevented the hitch from jumping off the ball if a pot hole was encountered. However, there was a design flaw (now embarrassingly apparent). The tongue of the trailer had not been drilled for a keeper bolt that would prevent the sleeve from sliding backwards. Fortunately, the safety chains held. Sholly personally remedied the design defect in that trailer and others like it on that same day. Embarrassing? Yes! But a great story! Sholly is now working for Walt Dabney as Deputy Director for the Texas State Parks, and, presumably still doing Quiche Safety breakfasts Oh yeah! Here is Sholly's recipe for "Safety Sausage Quiche"
One half pound of your favorite sausage (can substitute broccoli or spinach)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Brush pastry with lightly beaten egg white. Fry sausage and onions; drain. Sprinkle sausage and onions and cheese in unbaked pastry shell. Beat together the four eggs, milk, one half teaspoon salt and pepper, pour into pastry shell. Bake 30-40 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Cool slightly before serving. Now then, who said "Real Men don't eat quiche?" Have a nice safety breakfast! LIVING IN MEXICO, LIVING WITH MEXICO My wife believes that the Northeastern United States has four months that it don't really need; December, January February, and March. I tend to agree.
So does the United Nations: UNESCO, the UN scientific organization has stated that the United States has the most violent weather in the world. Liberals say it is God's punishment for voting Republican. Republicans say it is God's punishment for allowing the UN on American soil. The truth is more mundane. According to geographers, the US has exactly the right size land mass parked exactly the right distance between two oceans and one pole, to create a playground for the most active weather systems in the world, particularly as we lack a huge mountain range like the Himalayas along our boundary with Canada. (Memo to God on future projects) The climate of the U.S. means that our great nation is basically uninhabitable except for California, Hawaii, and Florida (and some have doubts about Florida) Naturally this news may come as a surprise to the 300 million Americans who heroically dwell here. America is a world class example of the axiom of "When given lemons make lemonade". We could buck up the morale of the people of say, The Republic of Chad, by showing them slides of Medora, North Dakota in January ("Could be worse, Abdul, you could be in North Dakota, changing a tire in a blizzard!".) But what if you are no longer required by your job to live in the United States? I mean if you are an avalanche expert for the US Forest Service, you are sort of expected to live among tall, cold, mountains with a million tons of frozen water perched precariously over your head for your 30 year career. That's the deal. However, after you retire, you can leave! Honest! OK. Where should you go? Well, there is the aforementioned Hawaii, but it is a bit crowded and expensive. How about sunny Old Mexico? At this point, many Americans make a face, shudder, and say they've been there, didn't like it. When pressed as to where and why. It seems that they have experienced The Border, La Frontera. "It's dirty and dangerous" they say. And so the border can be. La Frontera, The Frontier, is an actual legal concept, extending 100 kilometers on each side of the actual border and stretching some 3,109 kilometers or1,969 miles from San Diego-Juarez on the Pacific, to Brownsville-Matamoros on the Gulf of Mexico. A long, thin sinuous country, La Frontera is larger than many nations represented at the United Nations, The Frontier is like no other country on earth. It is the only border where a Third World nation directly butts up against a First World Nation. A nation of great longings belly to belly with a nation of great complacency--and suspicion. Even the geography and ecology of La Frontera is strange, somewhat sinister. It is mainly Sonoran and Chihuahuan desert. Love of these deserts in an acquired taste and not everyone is Edward Abbey. It is hot much of the time; hot and dusty. The vegetation is stark, minimalist, and generally prickly; cactus, ocotillo, mesquite. Lush green leaves are not a good investment for a plant that knows its business in La Frontera. Stay Away! Keep your distance! is the motto of the Flora and Fauna of the Frontera; there is only enough water for one, and I am that one. Visitors often remark on the neat spacing of each desert plant, each species wildly different in shape and form to capitalize on some miniscule advantage such shape and form might give them a tiny edge in Desert Survival 101.
Illegals have told me that one of the most terrifying aspects of the Crossing is moving through the desert on a moonless, pitch-black night--and hearing the electric buzz of rattlesnakes and not being able to pinpoint the locations. This is particularly frightening if one is traveling with children. . Unlike the humid East or the Tropics, the rocks that hold everything up are starkly in evidence; no soothing coating of moss, vines or brush; the rocks tend to be sharply vertical cliffs as if God had hacked them out with His pick ax last week. When you are standing in the middle of La Frontera, say on the banks of the Rio Grande, there is often the uncanny, uneasy feeling that something is watching you. Sometimes, something is. La Frontera is Cormac McCarthy Country. You may remember Mr. McCarthy's violent novel and the equally violent movie "No Country For Old Men". La Frontera was the star of the movie. Even without the movie, you have the feeling that if you looked under the right mesquite, you would find an unexplained skeleton. Sometimes you would be right. Much if not most of America's supply of illegal drugs passes through La Frontera: Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana, and Methamphetamine (The Redneck drug of choice, and probably the only one inherently dangerous to the user.) Some of this contraband is transported in a down right picturesque, Living History manner. That is, trains of pack mules, laden with bales of high grade Marijuana, moving through geographical areas of La Frontera that were already known as "Smuggler's Pass" or "Smugglers Gap" in the 19th century. However much of it roars across in disorderly four wheel drive trucks that scar the desert environment into the next century
Bierce's definition could easily fit the Dope Trade: "Capitalism at its purest; just as God or the Devil made it. The Industry is entirely self supporting and self regulating and is based entirely on supply and demand with no subsidies. Self regulation is enforced with penalties so dire and consequences so terrifying, that few chose to violate the code and those that do end up headless and handless outside Juarez or Tijuana. (Ironically, Bierce, like many other Gringos, was fatally attracted to La Frontera and was probably killed in Ojinanga, across the Rio from Presidio, Texas, in the heart of La Frontera in 1914.) Over one fifth of the International Border is NPS or Fish & Wildlife land, making the Department of Interior the single largest landlord. In La Frontera. The parks and refuges of La Frontera; Organ Pipe, Cabeza Prieta, Coronado, Chamizal, Big Bend, Rio Grande Wild and Scenic River, Amistad, Palo Verde; were all established in a kinder, gentler, drowsier time. Back in the dear, dead days before the drug flood and explosive migration, the border parks were genial places to live and work. Visitation wasn't a problem because there wasn't much. Back in those long departed times, the biggest crime in Organ Pipe was the occasional cactus-napping and in Big Bend, the theft of candleria bushes to make wax. The drug trade changed all that, making life in La Frontera suspicious, brutal and often short. A park ranger was killed in Organ Pipe, not by a Mexican immigrant seeking work, but by a professional assassin hired by drug lords to kill other drug people... The ranger was blocking the killer's escape route and perished in line of duty. Some people like the Wild West ambience of La Frontera. The Old West never really went away on The Border. You can keep firearms at hand, and no one will regard you as paranoid; indeed in some cases it might be a good idea. Some folks like the edgy frisson that comes with living on a frontier; makes them feel more alive. A lot of good people make La Frontera their home and would not live anywhere else. Jim Carrico, one of the very few permanent employees of the NPS that Edward Abbey liked and trusted, retired in La Frontera and became superintendent of Big Bend State Park. Roger Siglin, a Yellowstone Chief Ranger and Gates of the Arctic Superintendent, built himself a retirement home near the gorge of the Rio Grande; part of his e-mail address is "Baked Alaska" (Roger always did have a dry sense of humor) According to Siglin, the "Homeland Security" paranoia of the Bush Junta has resulted in the closing of the border at Big Bend National Park, causing the economic destruction of little border communities such as Santa Elena and Boquillas, Mexico. Those communities depended heavily on visits from tourists in the park, and for many visitors it was a highlight of their trip." The towns of La Frontera can be remarkably compassionate and neighborly. When a tornado devastated Eagle Pass, Texas, the citizens of Piedras Negras across the Rio, crossed the border with trucks, front end loaders and other equipment to restore basic services. Eagle Pass did not forget. When the "Homeland Security" people showed up with their celebrated fence that they planned to wall out the Mexican neighbors, many of the property owners of Eagle Pass said "Not on my property, partner!" Still, the edgy, somewhat sinister ambiance of "La Frontera" bothers a lot of people. They will be pleasantly surprised to learn that the farther south you go, the better Mexico gets. (There is some truth to the saying attributed to President Porfiiero Diaz: "Poor Mexico! So far from God! So near the United States!." There is also some truth in the belief that "La Frontera" brings out the worst in both countries. So if "La Frontera" is not Mexico, what is Mexico? Probably not Mexico City, any more than New York City is America or Paris is France. Like Paris or New York, Mexico City is unique, very much itself and worth many a visit, but I doubt if you would want to live there. Why not? First of all, it is hard, if not downright dangerous to breathe in Mexico City. It ranks right up there with Beijing, China as one of the most polluted cities on earth. However, unlike Beijing, Mexico City is located at 7,349 feet elevation. This means your heart and lungs are going to have to work extra hard to claw enough of Mexico City's powdered razor blade atmosphere into your system in order to keep going. Whether or not breathing in Mexico City will give you cancer faster than smoking a pack of Camels is debatable, but you may not want to find out. Secondly, Mexico City is located smack dab at the juncture of the Cocos and North American tectonic plates. When these plates hang up and then abruptly let go, things really get tectonic, producing earthquakes in the high 7's and low 8's on the Richter scale. What makes things worse is that Mexico City is built on a drained lake bed on soil that will liquefy if shaken up. What compounds the above threat was (and is) rampant corruption in which the extra cost of earthquake resistant building can be avoided by paying a bribe. If the above sounds like a recipe for a mega-disaster, you would be correct. On September 19, 1985, at 7:19 am, Mexico City experienced an 8.1 earthquake that lasted an incredible 4 minutes and caused, according to the government, the deaths of some 9,000 citizens. However, according to unofficial sources, the death toll was actually between 60,000 and 100,000. This would make it the biggest natural disaster in North American history and one of the worst in world history. You really do not want to be in Mexico City during a major earthquake.
"Chilango" is Mexican slang for a citizen of Mexico City. Like the term "Gringo", it is not entirely complementary, as Mexicans who live in the rest of Mexico frequently regard their big city brethren as greedy, arrogant, pushy, aggressive, and unhelpful (See "New Yorker", "Parisian" etc.). There are about 19 million "Chilangos" in Mexico City with about 600 newcomers arriving each day. If those figures give you claustrophobia, this may be another reason not to settle in Mexico City. Actually, like most New Yorkers and Parisians, the "Chilangos" are not bad folks, just a bit self absorbed. Unlike Edward Abbey, I am rather grateful for the apparently natural human desire of much of the human race to file themselves away in huge mega-metropolitan areas like Tokyo, New York, London, Shanghai, and so on. It tends to make a walk in the woods less crowded for the rest of us. Is there violent crime in Mexico City and La Frontera? Yup, sure is, partner. Drug violence and kidnappings are rampant in La Frontera, Mexico City and a few isolated "hot spots" that we'll talk about later. You can (generally) avoid being shot or kidnapped by avoiding these areas (Indeed our nervous Nelly State Department has recently told Americans to stay the hell out of Juarez.) You can (generally) avoid violence in Mexico by the simple precaution of not participating in the drug trade. For some people, this is a surprisingly difficult choice, including some that should know better due to background or simply age. Recently, the Mexican Navy found that a sailboat had run aground on a remote beach in the rugged state of Chiapas not too far from where we lived. The owner/skipper of the boat was a 79 year old retired San Francisco Bay Area businessman. His body was found near the boat. He had not drowned. He had been beaten to death He had told his family that at age 79, his life's ambition was to sail around the world single handed, like Joshua Slocum. A noble goal for someone his age. However, the Mexican Navy found a secret compartment, a false bottom in the sailboat. Possibly the old gentleman had a second ambition that he was not sharing. So is the Drug War a problem? Sure is, neighbors! Drug money corrupts the Mexican government and police. It distorts the economy, making everything more expensive than it should be. It empowers some very evil and cruel people and allows them to manipulate and control the lives of decent people. At present the drug lords do not directly affect the lives of Americans not involved in the drug trade, but that will change as corruption spreads from Mexico into the United States. Can the War on Drugs be won by more police and tougher laws? Well sure it can! All we have to do is abolish Capitalism, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights; all that Supply & Demand and Freedom stuff. Not much of a drug problem under Joseph Stalin or Chairman Mao. On the other hand, like I say, the Drug Wars will not immediately or directly affect You as a visitor or resident in Mexico (Unless, like the nautical retiree, you decide to become a participant) you will not be bothered, at least for the immediate future. That being said, where should one retire in Mexico; how much will it cost, what about housing? What about medical care? What about housing? What about transportation? And of course, what will you do? Well now, these are interesting questions and we'll try to answer them in the next and future issues of THUNDERBEAR.
A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR THE RESTORATION OF VIRTUE IN THE DEPARTMENT OF INTERIOR Most Department Of Interior criminals do not use a knife or a gun in achieving their goals. Their offense is normally a non-violent betrayal of the public trust. Even the arrest of a DOI criminal is somewhat anti-climatic. A murmured conversation in the office between the miscreant and the Federal agents, then the calm departure past wondering secretaries, the handcuffs politely concealed beneath a casually draped overcoat.
DOI staffers, career or appointee, are a quiet, unmelodramatic bunch. When J. Steven Griles learned he was to be indicted, he did not barricade himself in his office at South Interior Building, and between bursts of fire from his AK-47, shout "COME AND GET ME, COPPERS! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE A BUSH APPOINTEE ALIVE!" No, Mr. Griles went quietly. One of the definitions of White Collar crime is that it is a non-violent offense against property or trust rather than against person. Since human life is not endangered (at least not directly or immediately) the punishment is much less severe. This is understandable. We punish the person who walks into a bank with a shotgun much more than the bank manager who fiddles the books. After all, no one is shot or killed in the latter episode. As Woody Guthrie sang, "Some men rob you with a six gun, some with a fountain pen." Still, there are those who feel that even though White Collar crime is a genteel form of robbery, it is still robbery and that the consequences are a bit too mild to be regarded as true punishment. In the Federal Land Management agencies, the corruption or malfeasance of a federal officer often results not in the loss of the taxpayer's funds, but in the loss or misallocation of natural or historic resources that may be difficult or impossible to replace. Frank Buono, a retired NPS chap and active gadfly for the whistleblower protection NGO known as PEER, electronically threw up his hands in disgusted amazement at the apparent misjudgment of the manager of Cumberland Island National Seashore. "Where does the NPS get these guys?" he fumed. In a Southern Gothic plot worthy of Nevada Barr or William Faulkner, it is alleged that the Manager of Cumberland Island National Seashore cooperated with the owner of some sort of convalescent business to transport convict labor across Cumberland Sound where they would be used as forced labor to build a private convalescent facility on a private in holding in a National Park! Aside from the old bromide about Lincoln having freed the slaves, the whole operation seems a bit weird. At least the State of Georgia thought so, and even suggested that the NPS might like to have a word with their man in Cumberland Island National Seashore.
The cynics were mistaken as usual. There was some problem in decision making, but was there criminal intent? I think not. The superintendent is clearly not guilty by Reason of NPS Naiveté. Reason of NPS Naiveté? Yes, it's a new legal defense, very much like the McNaughton Rule or the Durham Rule insanity defenses. You see, the Bush Administration has managed to blur the line between Right and Wrong, making everything rather fuzzy and gray. Now everyone agrees that we NPS are a simple, guileless bunch, trusting of everyone. Therefore, when a Machiavellian Bush appointee tells us that we have a new Park Partner and that he/she is VERY rich and VERY powerful, and very probably "A Friend of Dick's" well, shucks! Gee Whillikers! What's a poor superintendent to do? The bureaucrat's brain had been shorted out by Republican overload: A clear case of NPS Naiveté! Admittedly the Cumberland Island National Seashore Incident WAS a bit eccentric, even for the NPS, even for the Bush Administration. It seems that a solid citizen, obviously one of the richer, more powerful leaders of Schmuck County, Georgia, hit upon the idea that it might be an investment opportunity to build a spinal rehabilitation center on land he owned as an in holding in the local national park, Cumberland Island National Seashore. One can understand the rationale and even the humanity of locating such a medical facility on a private inholding within the peace and serenity of a National Park. (We are sure that would be among the justifications after the rehab center became a fait accompli.) But there was one catch. It seems that the enterprising rehab center developer did not have unencumbered title to the parcel of land on Cumberland Island National Seashore. Nope! It seems that according to the easement on the parcel of land, the land could be used by the seller, presumably in a non developmental manner such as a family vacation camp, for a relatively short period of time (time up in less than a decade. At that time, the parcel would revert to the NPS for use by squirrels, alligators, birds, snakes, deer, and taxpayers who like to watch them. There is no mention of spinal injury sufferers as the prime inhabitants. Now someone should have told the superintendent about this. Maybe somebody did. Maybe someone didn't think they had to listen. Maybe the staff wasn't speaking to one another (It happens.) Is inattention, negligence, or just plain stupidity a crime? How about NPS Naiveté? The almost puppy like desire for a bureaucrat to be liked, to please his masters, to think outside the box? (Ah! Remember that early Yellowstone snowmobile decision! Now THAT was thinking outside Pandora's Box!) Now thanks to that useful adjunct to a free society, the Whistleblower, the plan to suborn public land for private use was nipped in the bud before it could reach fruition, and just as importantly, a precedent was avoided; that is, if you could establish some sort of claim, structure, or use of public land, then it could conceivably become yours. Clearly, some dangerous stuff was narrowly avoided at Cumberland Island National Seashore. So how should the guilty be punished? That is, if we can accept the idea of guilt or responsibility during the Dubyah Regime? Very probably money did not change hands; very probably there was not criminal intent. The Bureaucrat simply wanted to please. Therefore, a jail term is not in order. We recommend the Pillory. Yes, that wonderful 18th century tool of public humiliation that has fallen sadly out of use in modern times. You will remember the pillory from family visits to Colonial Williamsburg or other Early American historic sites. As you recall, the pillory was a vertical post set in the ground, topped by a hinged cross beam, inletted to secure the wrists and neck of the miscreant. It was usually located in the village square in front of a public building, such as a court house.
Does it work? Damn straight it does, neighbors! With bells on! I recall a variant of the pillory used by my Kindergarten teacher, Miss George. Now Miss George was older than Death and twice as scary. Her specialty was Discipline with a capital "D". Those who broke any of the numerous regulations of Kindergarten were subjected to the Silent Circle. It was simple and effective. The miscreant Kindergartener was sat down in the middle of the floor and the rest of us formed a circle around him. Upon Miss George's command, we all silently pointed an accusatory finger at the miscreant. Worked like a charm, neighbors! A minute or two of this form of the pillory would reduce the most hardened Kindergartener to copious tears. We all wanted to avoid being the centerpiece of the Silent Circle. What will work on children will work on bureaucrats! A pillory could be placed near the entrance of every regional office. Rather than simply disappearing into the bowels of the Regional Office for "Consultation and possible reassignment," the miscreant would be required to spend an hour or two each working day in the pillory. A short interpretive panel would enumerate his/her transgressions. As this is the progressive 21st century, a clear sheet of ballistic plastic would shield the miscreant from objects thrown by irate taxpayers. However, the best result of the reintroduction of the pillory will be deterrence rather than punishment. We would still have Eliot Spitzer with us had the former Governor of New York been required to pass by a pillory on his way into the State House at Albany; a graphic warning against adultery and fornication. (Back country park rangers ask me how come sex is so expensive ($4300 per hour) in New York. The answer is that sex is a lot more complicated in New York than it is in Wyoming. In the Governor's case, a block and tackle, spinning basket and trained staff ("Slack off on line # 1, haul away on line #2! Etc. etc.") was required; costs mount up, neighbors!) At any rate, the pillory is a useful deterrence that would go far in restoring morality to the Department of the Interior!
THE HEART THING You have to die of SOMETHING, neighbors! How else are you going to get to Heaven? Not too many years ago, God could offer you quite a smorgasbord of exotic ailments to shuffle you off this mortal coil and join the Heavenly Host up Yonder.
There was good old small pox, familiar Yellow Fever, reliable Cholera, Dependable diphtheria, mundane Malaria, scary Bubonic Plague, and that specialty for the ladies, Septic childbirth and its complications, as well as a host of other lethal ailments.
Nowadays, at least in the Developed First World, Progress has limited you to Cancer and Heart Disease. I noticed that Jesus was tugging at my sleeve down in Mexico in the form of feeling that someone had dropped an anvil on my chest. I got the point. It was time to go home. (To the terrestrial one, not the celestial one.) Mexican medicine is surprisingly good, but not too surprisingly, my Mexican physician suggested that I fly home before I needed to charter an entire plane, something not covered in Medicare. Home for me is the Washington, DC area, which is fortunate as DC is also the home of a vast horde of greedy, corrupt, power mad old men who have no intention of dying of anything, particularly heart disease. As a result, DC has some of the best cardiologists in the world. My cardiologist suggested that I might like a "Procedure" like right away. It's sort of hard not to agree. The hospital that does this sort of thing, Cardiac Catherization, does it so often, that they have become routinely very good at it, sort of like a JIFFY LUBE oil changing franchise. For this reason, I expected the "Procedure" to be a rather impersonal, robotic event. I was to be pleasantly surprised. The Chief of the Cardio-Intervention "Team" was a good-humoredly beautiful strawberry blonde named Jennifer ("But you can call me Jenny!") who was in charge of prepping the patient for the "Procedure". In addition to being good looking, Jennifer was quite witty. She asked me exactly when and what were my symptoms. I replied that I had Angina in Mexico. "YOU HAD 'ANGINA IN MEXICO'? WOW! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT COUNTRY WESTERN SONG! COULD YOU SING A FEW BARS?" I felt I had no choice, so I improvised lyrics for "Angina in Mexico" This cracked up the Team and led to a barrage of puns and one liner that left everyone laughing, including myself; so much so, that Team Member Becky asked that we stop the comedy as she could not get a good EKG reading. I asked Team Chief Jenny if being a stand up comedian was a prerequisite for the job. Surprisingly, it was. As cardiac patients are understandably somewhat morose and self-centeredly concerned with their own mortality, the hospital believes that a relaxed, amused and happy patient has a better chance at survival. To further this end, the Cardio-intervention team is given a formal course in light hearted interaction, including humor. They are given a short briefing on the patient's background, interests and so on so that they can make small talk with the patient before and after the procedure. Naturally, not every cardio-interventionist is a born Jay Leno. In that case, the Team Member simply inquires after the patient's interests, pets, family, and career in a concerned and interested manner. Such was the case with Team Member Lorna, an attractive, but very, very serious young woman, who was charged with the final prep. She had been delighted to learn that I was former National Park Service. According to Lorna, being a park ranger was something she had always wanted to do. "You are such an enthusiastic, warm person!" She gushed "After this Procedure, you will be able to return to the National Park Service!" I allowed as how this was not in the cards as I was retired.
"But you can work part time." She insisted. "No, I can't" "Why not?" "For political reasons, Lorna" I said patiently. "Political reasons" she responded, big eyed. "I put out a newsletter called THUNDERBEAR that the Bush Administration apparently does not like. They feel it to be against their interests; therefore they prefer that I not get NPS contracts; Andrew Jackson would understand perfectly." (Now neighbors, I am not whining; nobody ordered me to write THUNDERBEAR, I just did and as Robert Louis Stevenson remarked "Sooner or later, we must all sit down to a banquet of consequences.) I did sort of expect Lorna to cluck sympathetically in a supportive nursely tone. What happened was totally unexpected and almost surreal. "THAT'S NOT TRUE!" she snapped "PRESIDENT BUSH WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT! I LIKE PRESIDENT BUSH. YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN!" (Now friends, less than 30% of the electorate actually LIKE George Bush, but through the luck of the draw I would shortly be in an operating room with one who vehemently did, and I did not want her standing on my oxygen tube; therefore, it was time to back pedal. I decided to use the old "If the czar only knew" ploy; that is, it was the czar's wicked advisors who were at fault rather than the lovable old czar.) "Lorna," I began, "President Bush has never HEARD of THUNDERBEAR. He has certainly never read it and might even like it if he did. However, some of his appointees in the NPS have heard of THUNDERBEAR and did block a contract. "HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS"? Lorna asked suspiciously "Because the person who offered the contract in the first place told me the reason it was cancelled. Oh. I continued to placate Team Lorna; "Millions of Americans like you like and admire President Bush" I said, eating crow all the way. Obviously, the hospital's dictum of happy small talk had somewhat broken down, but at least we were not throwing parts of the operating room at each other. The surgeon who would perform the procedure came bustling in, full of professional Joviality. "WELL NOW, MR. RYAN! I KNOW YOU'D RATHER KEEP ON FLIRTING WITH LORNA, BUT WE'D BETTER GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! Nurse Lorna, who had put on her mask, was glowering down at me like Ann Coulter upon a helpless Al Gore. "See you all later!" I said, hopefully. Lorna nodded. I would have preferred a more enthusiastic nod. But anyway, neighbors, here I am.
HAMILTON GRANGE Now neighbors, there is probably no better prop or visual aid in the interpretation of the life of a Great Man (or Woman) than the actual house of the Great One.
Peeking into someone's home gives you a feeling of insight into the thoughts and character of the person. You have the feeling that the personage has just stepped out for a moment and that it will be alright if you take a look at the book titles in his/her library. It therefore is helpful if the furnishings are original or at least of the period. It is even more helpful if the Great One was something of a tinkerer or amateur architect, putting his/her personal stamp on the home. You get this feeling at Thomas Jefferson's Monticello, where Jefferson gave vent to his architectural creativity. This is also true at Sir Winston Churchill's estate, Chartwell, where that remarkable soldier, statesman, and writer expressed himself as, of all things, a creative bricklayer. The National Park Service came late to the historic house game, most of the homes of America's Founding Fathers had been acquired by state, local, or private foundations by the time Congress passed the act allowing the NPS to accept historic properties. George Washington's Mount Vernon, Jefferson's Monticello, Madison's Montpelier and Monroe's Ash Lawn had all been acquired by private foundations or individuals. Indeed, the NPS has acquired surprisingly few of the homes of the approximately 150 gentlemen commonly regarded as being the "Founding Fathers" of the United States; "Founding Father" being identified as being signatory to the Declaration of Independence or the US Constitution (or both) or being closely involved in the military and early politics of the new republic, such as George Washington or Alexander Hamilton. Among the "Founding Fathers" homes that are managed by the NPS are
The last two sites are somewhat controversial as; well they are not quite real. Does this mean they are fakes? No, Washington's Birthplace and Charles Pinckney NHS are examples both of changing professional attitudes in historic preservation and presentation as well as political pressure. As Freeman Tilden, the NPS interpretive guru noted, George Washington never walked through the doors of George Washington Birthplace (and indeed, never even had his diapers changed there) Nor has the NPS ever claimed he had. The actual birthplace burned down while Washington was off at the Revolutionary War in 1779. The present structure is a "replica", that is a not a very good guess by a 1930's architect of what your typical middle class early18th century Virginia planter's house would look like. Subsequent archeological work indicates that the actual house was considerably smaller, but what the hell, we are able to provide a sort of "close enough for government work" (The replica was not built by the NPS.) idea of the general sort of milieu that the Founding Father was born into.
We must go back to the hectic time of the American Bicentennial Period. Every state wanted a Bicentennial Site no matter how tenuous the connection with the American Revolution. South Carolina did have some Bicentennial sites in the National Park System, but they wanted more, and their Senator was the formidable Strom Thurmond. According to Jerry Rogers, former Chief Historian of the NPS; and Keeper of the National register of historic places: "In the run-up to the American Revolution Bicentennial, NPS did theme studies to identify and designate National Historic Landmarks...Charles Pinckney's town house in Charleston was long gone, but his farm property a few miles outside of town was designated as a NHL. (National Historic Landmark). In addition to the farmland, which was known as "Snee" Farm. There was a marble cenotaph Pinckney had erected in a lovely grove of tree in honor of his father, and there was a small farm house locally believed to have been owned by Charles Pinckney. "Later when William Penn Mott was Director, Snee Farm National Historic Landmark was proposed as the site for an intensive town house development, the whole historic preservation establishment of Charleston rose to its defense. They got Senator Strom Thurmond to call Mott and me to Thurmond's office to try to get the National Park Service to take the place as a National Historic Site (NHS). Mott, on the spur of the moment said that he would take the place if the locals would raise half the money to buy it. The locals accepted the challenge with an enormous fundraising campaign backed by Senator Thurmond, Senator Hollings, and Governor Campbell. They raised a lot of money, but not quite half the cost. Senator Thurmond got Congress to cover the rest of the cost and the place became a National Historic Site. Later, after the Site was established it was found that the farm house was early 19th century and had not been built or owned by Charles Pinckney. The National Park Service was roundly criticized by anti federal-government organs such as the conservative magazine READERS DIGEST, which featured the error in the "That's Outrageous" section of the magazine. According to Jerry Rogers, the following lessons were learned (or at least experienced)
So, should the NPS, given a lemon, make lemonade, by building a nice reconstruction of what Pinckney's plantation house might have looked like, fill it with period furniture, interpreters and volunteers. And call it even? No, says Jerry. Reconstruction is no longer the preferred policy of the NPS. Even if the subject is an iconic American historical figure, such as Ben Franklin. Ironically, the only surviving home of Benjamin Franklin, a handsome brick Georgian edifice, is located , rather inconveniently, in London, England, where he lived happily for some 16 years before the American Revolution, and is administered by a private foundation . Independence National Historic Park does have some foundation outlines of Franklin owned structures but there are no plans to reconstruct them. Therefore, you have yet another reason to visit London. So is reconstructing a vanished historic structure never ever to be done by the modern NPS? Never ever? Well, hardly ever. Telling the story of Bents Old Fort National Historic Site would be complicated by the absence of, well, Bents Old Fort, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. The original fort was blown up by its owners in 1849 lest it be acquired by default by the US Army, which was too cheap to meet the asking price. The resulting piles of adobe became even less interesting mounds of dirt by the time the NPS was commissioned by Congress to tell the story of the Santa Fe trade and the Mountain Men at Bents Old Fort in the 1970's. What to do? Adobe reconstruction was out of the question due to cost (labor intensive) and extremely high annual maintenance costs (dirt is soluble) After the best historical and archeological studies, the NPS faked it by building a fort made of cinder block, wire mesh and adobe colored stucco (The Bent brothers who built the original fort in 1833 would have done the same thing if there had been a HOME DEPOT within ox cart distance) Generally speaking, however, the NPS tries not to do reconstructions. How about reproductions of reproductions? Recently, the reproduction of Fort Clatsop of Lewis & Clark fame burned to the ground. Should it be rebuilt? According to Jerry Rogers "Most professionals say reconstruction should never be done--period. Almost never are the records good enough to assure that it can be done to any reasonable standard of accuracy, and no matter how well it is done, the result is till a new building and is actually an interpretive device rather than a new building. Older "reconstructions" were done in a highly speculative manner--like Fort Clatsop, with limited information on what the genuine historic building had been like. Fort Clatsop should not be rebuilt." How about moving a historic structure? Many of our "historic" structures have a history of perambulating around the county. The surrender house at Appomattox has been disassembled and moseyed around the nation in its time. Lincoln's "birthplace" log cabin (probably a reproduction) has traveled extensively before winding up on its marble pyramid. Perhaps the strangest case of perambulating historical architecture was (is) Greenfield Village, a creation of the eccentric automobile manufacturer Henry ("History is bunk.") Ford. Mr. Ford had a bottomless bank account and the collecting mania of a pack rat. He decided to purchase the homes or places of business of famous Americans and assemble them all in one spot, his "Greenfield Village," Michigan along side representative period houses removed from their provenience. This strange collection includes Noah Webster's (The dictionary) home from Connecticut, the Wright brothers' bicycle shop from Dayton Ohio, Harvey Firestone's (tires) farm, Luther Burbank's office from California, and Ford's own birthplace and work place where he built his first automobile; all of these structures located porch to porch with each other in Ford's whimsical, mythical village. Naturally, this sort of out of context "preservation" makes NPS historians like Jerry Rogers apoplectic. The NPS does not normally endorse moving a historic structure unless there is a very good reason. Every so often a very good reason does come along. Jerry supported the successful move of the historic Cape Hatteras Lighthouse inland to escape the encroaching sea at Cape Hatteras National Seashore. At the time the lighthouse was built, engineers and scientists had no idea that barrier islands were moving dynamic geological features. There will always be a Cape Hatteras; it's just that it won't be where it was a century and a half ago. but Cape Hatteras Light will still stand guard at the new location.
According to Darren Boch, Public Affairs Officer for the National Parks of New York Harbor Group: "The National Park Service is pleased to announce that Hamilton Grange National Memorial will soon make the long anticipated and historic journey from Convent Avenue to its new home in St. Nicholas Park. Beginning around May 26, 2008 and lasting until approximately June 7, 2008. Alexander Hamilton's home will be lifted in one piece and over the porch of St. Luke's Episcopal Church and onto Convent Avenue. On Saturday morning, June 7, The Grange will move south on Convent Avenue, turn east onto 141st Street and then right into the northwest corner of St. Nicholas Park, where preparations will begin to place the Grange on its new foundation". Why are they moving Hamilton Grange? Well, this is the part that will please Jerry Rogers. It is sort of a second chance or rebirth for a historical house. This is not the first move for Hamilton Grange. The first move was in 1889 to a cramped historically incorrect location. The original site was a bucolic country setting with spacious acreage, long since gobbled up in urban development. Then, someone (Let us know thy name so we may praise thee!) got the bright idea "Why don't the NY City Parks and the National Park Service work together to move Hamilton Grange to nearby 23 acre St. Nicholas City Park which was originally owned by Alexander Hamilton and where the original setting of the house could be replicated? Brilliant! After negotiations between the Friends of St. Nicholas Park, the City of New York, Congressman Charlie Rangel and the National Park Service that I am told could be used as a model for an Arab-Israeli Peace settlement, a deal was made and it looks to be done. Hamilton Grange was commissioned by Alexander Hamilton and designed by John McComb, who also designed NewYork City Hall and Gracie Mansion, now the official residence of the Mayor of New York. Hamilton Grange was completed in 1802 and Hamilton and family lived there until he was shot to death in a duel with the Vice President of the United States, Aaron Burr. (If you thought Dick Cheney was our only malevolent vice president, you would be mistaken.) So how did Alexander Hamilton's house wind up in a predominately Black neighborhood? The answer of course, was changing demographics. When The Grange was built, Harlem was basically farm land outside of downtown New York. Hamilton wanted a rural "get away" place in the country, perhaps not unlike Jefferson's Monticello, though not so grand. Naturally, over the decades and centuries, New York grew and Harlem became urbanized. Some parts of the city became Irish, Italian, or Jewish. Harlem became predominately Black for a time during the 1920's during the Harlem Renaissance; Harlem was the place to be for Black musicians, writers and intellectuals from all over America and the Caribbean. Many White intellectuals and even tourists visited Harlem. That was to change. For several decades, Harlem was the archetypical sinister Black slum, where Whites ventured only with numerous (and large) Black friends. That was to change. Today Harlem is a much more relaxed and harmonious multi-racial district (Bill Clinton has his office there.) albeit with still a Black majority. So is it not an amusing irony that a conservative, elitist, probably snobbish White guy has a monument in a predominately Black district. No, it is not. Alexander Hamilton was one of the very few anti-slavery Founding Fathers from the get- go, urging Washington to enlist Black soldiers with a promise of freedom from slavery, and after the war founded abolitionist societies. Naturally, he kept no slaves in a society that was rife with the practice, even in the North. His political opponents winked and nodded knowingly, feeling that his pro Black sympathies indicated that his ancestry had "the taint of the tar brush". Ironically, this idea was accepted by many Black intellectuals such as W.E.B. Dubois as well as the man on street in Harlem, which accounts for the popularity for Hamilton Grange in the Harlem community. For what it is worth, he was probably not Black, but just a reasonably decent human being.
When in doubt, ask a ranger. According to Steve Laise, Chief of Interpretation, Manhattan Sites, NPS: "Hamilton, who came to America as a penniless immigrant, was born on the island of Nevis, located in the eastern Caribbean. His home as a child was adjacent to the docks in Charlestown, where some 5,000 enslaved Africans landed annually if they survived the Middle Passage. He frequently saw these people arriving in the most miserable circumstances imaginable. The slave pens where they were held pending their sale are directly across the street from Hamilton's home. The auctions were held in the square which he crossed on the way to school. In other words, from his earliest day, Hamilton observed the misery of the conditions of enslaved people up close. When he became an orphan at age fourteen, Hamilton found employment in St. Croix with a trader who dealt in many goods, including slaves. Here he would have gotten a broader view of the slave trade including how briefly people survived enslavement on the sugar plantations, which were known for notoriously harsh working conditions. I would suggest that Hamilton, alone among the Founding Fathers, had observed slavery at its worst from early childhood. I believe that his opposition to slavery was an essential emotional component of his world view. Others, like John Adams, who opposed slavery, did not have Hamilton's experience or passion." Well said, Steve! On the other hand, similar experiences often result in different conclusions. Take for example, Hamilton's political enemy, Thomas Jefferson. Mr. Jefferson, with all his sentimental populism, had a nasty pseudo-scientific racist streak. In the liberal 1930's, when they were building the Jefferson Memorial, it was thought that it would be great if they could inscribe something nice that Mr. Jefferson said about Blacks and freedom on the rotunda of the Memorial. Now this was a mighty tall order as Jefferson did not much like Blacks (With one exception of course) though they put the Bordeaux and food on his table. The best the memorialists could come up with was a quote lifted out of context. "NOTHING IS MORE CERTAINLY WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF FATE THAN THESE PEOPLE ARE TO BE FREE". This was duly inscribed Unfortunately, for Jefferson's reputation, the quote continues "NOR IS IT LESS CERTAIN THAT THE TWO RACES, EQUALLY FREE, CANNOT LIVE IN THE SAME GOVERNMENT. NATURE, HABIT, OPINION HAS DRAWN INDELIBLE LINES OF DISTINCTION BETWEEN THEM. (Perhaps President Obama, who enjoys a bit of irony, will be amused by Mr. Jefferson's opinion.) So while Hamilton Grange may not be quite as grand or clever as Monticello, it does not take nearly as much explaining or justifying.
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PJ Ryan can be reached at:
thunderbear@erols.com.