May - June, 2006
THE LAST WORD -- SCOTT SILVER
One of the irritating, but necessary components of a free society is the Gadfly. The Gadfly serves two very important purposes in a Democracy. First, the Gadfly alerts the community to the presence of evil and evil-doers, and positively urges the community on to civic and environmental Virtue. Second, the Gadfly simply exists. Like the proverbial canary in the coal mine, the continued presence of Gadflies in a society is one of the best indicators of the health of its Democracy. In a totalitarian society, the Gadfly is co-opted, locked up, exiled, shot, or otherwise given an offer he/she can't refuse. Then the Gadfly has the love and gratitude of his/her community? Well, no. Gadflies, after all, are irritating. That is their job description. Many in the community, even those who benefit from the actions of the Gadfly, will regard them as meddling party poopers. Also, being a Gadfly does not pay well and we Americans are notoriously impressed by money. So, how does one get to be a Gadfly? The answer is that they are self appointed and self trained. After all there is no position description for a GS-11 Gadfly in the Federal Government ("Incumbent will point out the mistakes of his/her supervisors in a timely manner; Incumbent will obstruct any action not in the best interest of the environment and/or the public. Incumbent will assure that the actions of his/her supervisors are totally transparent and aboveboard etc etc) So how did Silver get to be an environmental Gadfly? Sort of by osmosis. He was a typical successful biochemist with some 5 patents under his belt and an avocation for wilderness travel. While on such a trip with a cross country skiing buddy, they were sitting around the campfire and came to the conclusion that the wilderness they loved was being nibbled to death by bureaucrats and developers. They returned to civilization (You always have to return) and co-founded Wild Wilderness; a no-compromise electronic defender of America's last wild places.
Michael Frome, Dean of American environmentalists, said of Silver:
Another admirer remarked Although a high power career in science was available to him, he took the path of "voluntary simplicity" before it became trendy. As an activist, extensive research, along with a healthy dose of skepticism and cynicism, led him to discover the motives and strategies behind politics, whether in the environmental community or the federal government. His dedication reflects his desire to leave a reasonable world for future generations.
Dale Neubauer, Co-founder of Wild Wilderness, said:
Your editor, The Christian Bureaucrat and devout Bull Moose Republican, does not always agree with what Scott says, but agrees with Voltaire that the Commonwealth is the better for having a Gadfly like Silver around to say these things. So, let's ask him a few questions;
(Scott Silver may be reached at SSILVER@WILDWILDERNESS.ORG).
COLONIAL PARKWAY The East Coast or at least the Mid-Atlantic East Coast has two months that are sort of chocolate syrup on your sundae; two months that make the other months sort of worthwhile. The two months are roughly April 15 to June 15, before the bugs are out in force and the famed wet heat wrings all the ambition out of you.
This is the time when everything that does chlorophyll for a living makes its appearance in various shades of green that would put Ireland to shame. Then there are the flowers by the hundreds of thousands, all silently shouting "LOOK AT US! WE ARE NAKEDLY REPRODUCING WITH WANTON EROTIC ABANDON BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!" Yup! An Eastern spring is worth your participation Joan and I decided to drive down to Jamestown and take a look at the new museum, The Archaearium, which explored the origins of the nation via archeology, and I was told, breaks new ground in museology.and also kayak the coastal marshes and swamps before they got too hot and buggy. Jamestown National Historical Park is located at the East end of the 23 mile Colonial National Parkway with the Yorktown Battlefield Park anchoring the west end of the parkway. Now you don't have to be Arnold Toynbee to catch the symbolism here neighbors; Colonial America began with John Smith in Jamestown in 1607 and ended 174 years later and 20 miles away, with George Washington and the surrender of General Cornwallis at Yorktown.in 1781 Had George Washington planned it this way? Did the Father of Our Country, with his usual prescience, foresee the needs of modern tourism and the necessity of concentrating historical attractions in compact, easily accessible groups, such as Jamestown, Colonial Williamsburg, and Yorktown? Did he point out to his generals that defeating Cornwallis at Yorktown would simplify future NPS park administration? Actually, this does not seem to be the case. General Washington really preferred to defeat the British at New York City. Why? According to one historian, it was a matter of bruised ego. Washington had been badly defeated at New York (Three times, actually!) And wanted to get even. (Much the same reason General Douglas Macarthur wished to erase an earlier defeat in the Philippines by reconquering that archipelago that had no strategic but considerable emotional value.) In the case of Washington, a cooler head in the form of the French General Rochambeau prevailed.
Rochambeau also realized that he was partnered with a charismatic amateur with not a very good track record (Only two wins in 8 years! Had Washington been a Texas high school football coach, he would have been looking for another job.) However, that amazing charisma had kept Washington's little army in the field Rochambeau realized that also. In dealing with Washington, Rochambeau applied French logic. He agreed that the capture of New York City would be a splendid coup, "but, mon general, my engineers tell me that it will take 20,000 men to breach the defenses of New York, and, pardon, mon ami, we do not have 20,000 men." Washington was thus convinced of the wisdom of a hurried march down to Yorktown to engage a more vulnerable British army. The march was in a race against the British fleet and a gamble that the French Navy, which usually lost to the Sovereigns of the Seas, would this time come out on top. The rest as they say is history. Technically, Yorktown was a French victory as they supplied the siege know-how and the bulk of the soldiers, sailors, marines and material. However, when British General O'Hara offered his sword in surrender to General Rochambeau, the French General waved him over to General Washington. The Frenchman understood who had won the war, if not the battle. We motored along the faux gravel parkway which was designed to give the feeling of tidewater Virginia at post contact time. The vegetation and vistas were mostly historically accurate. John Smith and Pocahontas would recognize the place, particularly if they both had John Deere riding lawnmowers. (The Eastern National Park Service has a positive mania for mowing the grass and otherwise manicuring the Green Scene; The late Boyd Evison, a Western trained superintendent of Great Smoky National Park, once told me that one of his little trials in the park was stopping the maintenance people from mowing the "shoulders" of even the park hiking trails. He would forbid them and they would sneak out and do it anyway!) The various parkways, Colonial, Blue Ridge, Natchez and so on, are a sort of trompe l'oeil, Potemkin Forest that provide the illusion that you are looking at the Forest Primeval, stretching for hundreds of miles on both sides of your car. You understand that it is an illusion, but it a very pleasant illusion, and certainly beats the strip malls, billboards and slaphazard development that characterize uncontrolled touriania. (Out West, the US. Forest Service has a particularly nasty form of "parkways" they call "beauty strips" -- hundred yard wide stands of Old Growth trees on the sides of the highway to mask the effects of highly subsidized clearcuts, the sight of which might outrage otherwise docile taxpayers. The Parkway has numerous scenic pullouts with interpretive signs, often with views of the majestic York River or the quiet beauty of a marsh. We were getting hungry and so, as we drove along, we started looking for a picnic area or at least a picnic table. Odd, there didn't seem to be any about. "When in doubt, ask a ranger!" But in these times of budgetary restrictions, they seem to be rare as a Mormon missionary in Mecca. I did the next best thing and asked one of the local folks as to why Colonial didn't seem to have a picnic tables
Now that was an interesting answer! I must admit I couldn't see what picnic tables had to do with sodomy as those two sheepherders in that movie "Brokeback Mountain" seemed to manage without one. However, I did recall various rumors in the Service that Colonial was one park that for some reason had quite a "problem" with those of the Gay persuasion. The NPS being a middle class rural organization largely reflected the values of rural Middle America when it came to sexual matters. That is, sex must be exclusively heterosexual and then performed only in either the Missionary or Canadian Positions. A number of other parks, Golden Gate National Recreation Area, Cape Cod National Seashore, Fire Island National Seashore and Hot Springs National Park also had "problems" with Gays. The attraction of Golden Gate NRA for Gays is self explanatory, being located next to that Sodom by the Sea, San Francisco. Cape Cod and Fire Island are beach parks with historically gay communities and are also located near large metro areas. Hot Springs National Park had at one time a collection of active bathhouses which attracted gays as a way of unobtrusively meeting others gays from around the nation.. But why was Colonial Historic Park attractive to Gays? Well, I don't know. Was there something about Colonial history or the Revolutionary War that intrigued Gays? Probably not. The more mundane answer may be that Colonial NHP is located near several large military bases and that some (but not all) Gays are attracted to young folks in uniform and that the various byways, pull outs and nooks and crannies provide opportunities for rendezvous; situations that could lead to embarrassing incidents for non participants. In the past, the NPS took a rather punitive and hostile attitude toward Gays. I recall that the duty station for one Hot Springs ranger was the crawl space in the ceiling above the Men's room. There he would lie in wait, watching restroom activities through a peep hole. When he witnessed a compromising situation, he would open a trap door in the ceiling, photograph the miscreants with his Polaroid camera and then parachute through the trap door in full Smokey Bear regalia and slap the cuffs on the culprits! It must have been an incredible sight! One of my ranger colleagues stationed at Cape Cod remarked as how one of his "undercover" assignments was to sunbathe at one of the beaches with a "make up" box at his side. When someone grabbed his ankle (apparently a gay courting move) the ranger would open his make up box, which held his badge, gun and handcuffs and proceed from there. However, as time passed, middle class America, and thus the NPS grew more conciliatory and understanding toward our Gay brethren (and taxpayers). The NPS began to adopt the sensible attitude of the 19th century actress, Mrs. Patrick Campbell, who when asked her opinion of homosexuals, famously replied "I don't care what they do, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses!" So, as long as "The horses are not frightened," that is, the public, particularly children, are not involved, NPS officials pretty much left the Gay park visitor alone. Still, for whatever reason, sexual or budgetary, there were no picnic tables. We decided to pull into a parking area next to a beach and tailgate. This we did, dropping the tailgate on the Tacoma and proceeded to make smoked turkey and cheese sandwiches from the contents of the cooler. Even without a picnic table, life was not bad, neighbors! About half way through my Jarlsburg and smoked turkey, Joan gave me a sidelong glance, raised an eyebrow and said "Looks like we be in a heap a' trouble, boy!" I turned to see the Dodge Sheriff in the form of a large US Park Ranger making for us with that determined law enforcement stride that marks a ranger on a mission. He was Ranger Smith. (Yup that was his real name, which was sort of eerie, as Jamestown was founded by John Smith and the park superintendent's name was also Smith. Coincidence? Yes, but I half expected Rod Serling to step out of the cattails and say "Mr. Ryan thinks he is going to have a "park experience, but in reality he is entering the "Twilight Zone!")
"I see you have a kayak, Sir!" (Red tandem Old Town Kayak lashed to the top of the Tacoma camper shell. Pretty hard to miss. Really handy if you mislay your vehicle in a mall parking lot as I often do; always travel with a red kayak on your car; urban wilderness tip, neighbors!) I agreed that I did have a kayak. "Did you plan to launch your kayak in Colonial National Historical Park?" Ranger Smith was very polite, but I could tell this was a declarative question best answered in the negative or one was in deep doo-doo. Now as we were parked on a narrow peninsula with the York River on one side and a sandy beach with about 200 swimmers on the other, I could readily see that one might consider launching a kayak. Ranger Smith read my mind "The superintendent has directed that no watercraft be launched from Colonial National Historic Park as the theme of the park is history and not recreation". Now neighbors, is this a wise and fair decision on the part of Superintendent Smith, considering we had come so far? Well yes, it was a wise directive, and a rather gutsy one, considering the crass opportunism of the political appointees who are running and ruining the present day national parks in the name of "Recreation"... Just because someone has carried or dragged some toy into a national park does not give one the automatic right to use that toy, be it snow machine, jet ski, ATV, or even an innocuous kayak. What possible damage could a kayak do, you ask? Perhaps nothing physical, but aesthetically, quite a bit. It is difficult for a visitor to contemplate the story of a 300 year old mill pond in the early mists of dawn if your most obedient servant, The Christian Bureaucrat, is sitting in the middle of it in a red kayak. Every year Yellowstone National Park must beat back an avalanche of would be kayakers who want to turn the wilderness streams of that park into a "paradise" of Tupperware torpedoes whooping through the rapids. They too have "come so far", but there are historic and aesthetic reasons they can't kayak in most of Yellowstone, and it is good that they can't. The present administration is using "increased recreation opportunities" to commodify, market, and possibly privatize the park experience. Bravo for Superintendent Smith for drawing the line. I asked Ranger Smith where we could kayak and he suggested nearby Powhatan Creek County Park where one could enjoy a primeval bald cypress swamp if one paddled upstream or increasing urbanity if one went downstream. I thanked the helpful ranger and made a mental note to write Superintendent Smith commending his principled stand for History against such Cultural quislings as Mainella Norton and Hoffman. But hark! Is this superintendent Smith any relation to the Dan Smith that flunked Environment 101 up at the C & O Canal National Park last year? The same, neighbors!
In all fairness, Mr. Snyder owned the trees; they were on his property, but alas! There was an environmental covenant forbidding tree removal that was in the property deed when Snyder bought the property. (Always read the fine print, neighbors.) However, where there is Power there is Possibility. Snyder began asking around. He did not have to ask far. Everyone wants to be friends with the owner of a major league football team. Snyder allowed as how he had a problem with the NPS. Now we all have problems with the NPS, neighbors; lack of staff, no picnic tables, poorly marked trails, whatever. However, when a Rich Guy has a problem, he gets action. (You and I get Form Letter 13B from the Superintendent stating they hope to rectify the Situation before the Second Coming.) Mr. Snyder did not get a form letter. He got a "facilitator" in the form of a WASO staff member by the name of Dan Smith. Dan Smith's job was to cut through the nasty ol' bureaucracy thicket, legally of course. and get Mr. Snyder what he wanted. Rich People do not like to wait. We should emphasize the legality of the action. Dan Smith said "He had done nothing tawdry" Well, let's say he had done nothing actionably criminal. You see, when it comes to money & power, there is a vast difference between an elected member of Congress and a federal bureaucrat. Congressmen can be bought off with cold cash (quite literally, in the case of Congressman Jefferson of Louisiana who allegedly hid his $90,000 bribe in his freezer. Vice President Spiro Agnew could be bought for as little as $2500. Congressman "Duke" Cunningham had a bit higher price tag. I recall kayaking past his palatial house boat, courtesy of a grateful defense contractor. Indeed, Congressmen insist on being bought off with money Federal bureaucrats are a different matter. We do not want to be bribed. We want to be loved. That is, we really do not want to be thought of as a bureaucrat. We want to be thought of as fast moving problem solvers; we want to be thought of as, well, "facilitators" Above all, we want to bethought of as a "team player". "Team players" get promoted, get on neat task force assignments, and so on. Stubborn "obstructionists" even in the service of the Environment or Park resource, often do not fare as well. For whatever reason, the previous superintendent of the C & O Canal, Doug Feris was not a team player. (At least not in the Quisling sense of the Secretary of Interior's "Four C's [Communication, Consultation and Cooperation, all in the service of Conservation"] which one former superintendent, Bill Wade, has correctly translated the "Four C's" to mean "Conspiracy, Compromise, and Concealment, all in the service of Commercialization.") Feris was apparently totally unimpressed with Snyder, his wealth, his football team or his "problem". In November, 2001 Feris denied Snyder's request to cut "diseased" trees on the easement on the basis the trees provided critical wildlife habitat. He also refused to permit Snyder to build a pool and deck on the easement, according to the WASHINGTON POST.
Unfortunately for himself, his family, and the Park, Superintendent Feris died in 2004. His replacement, the present C & O superintendent, Kevin Brandt, desperately wanted to be thought of as a "Team Player" as he was a new superintendent and wanted to make a good impression. Dan Snyder still desperately wanted to see the Potomac River. (One wonders, considering his wealth, why Mr. Snyder did not simply purchase a captive hot air balloon, install it in his back yard and hoist himself up above tree line every time he got an urge to look at the Potomac; as things turned out, it would have been much cheaper!). Anyway, Snyder was now in contact with Dan Smith who was "special assistant" to Director Fran Mainella. Mr. Snyder was getting impatient. Understandably, Smith wanted to do everything legally possible to help Mr. Snyder achieve his vision of the Potomac, which by this time, was beginning to approach the desire of Moses to see the Promised Land in its intensity. "Special Assistant" Smith began to council Superintendent Brandt on ways to make Snyder's dream come true. Brandt was still dubious; after all, the park's horticulturalist was against the cutting. Smith persisted. Unfortunately, the scenic easement agreement had more holes than my slice of Jarlsburg cheese; holes big enough to drive a lawyer through and Snyder had plenty of lawyers. It was after all, his land, his trees, pressure was beginning to mount. Finally, after a certain amount of pressure (folks differ on this point neighbors) Brandt gave permission to remove some of the "exotic species" from the easement. Funny thing! There was not a John Muir or Gifford Pinchot among all the guys running the chains saws, so (dang nab it!) all the trees came down! No problem. Snyder would replace every single one of them with a native species that while buggy whip size today, would be majestic woodland sentinels 20 years after Jesus called Snyder home to Glory. It was at this point that the wheels came off. A clear cut is pretty hard to hide in an urban area. Snyder's neighbors who abided by their easements were outraged. Montgomery County, which had not been involved in the permitting, was outraged, THE WASHINGTON POST was tickled pink because they could be outraged and the NPS was deeply embarrassed and contrite. The two NPS chaps, Smith and particularly Supt Brandt, who was made the fall guy, were deeply chagrined, but not particularly punished, as the Inspector General seemed to think it would be difficult to prove a case. Dan Smith was spirited out of Washington to become the Superintendent of Colonial, where, with the eyes of Congress and the environmental community upon him, he is, we are sure, straight as a laser in assuring that every environmental reg is enforced, NEPA is not violated and the letter and spirit of the enabling legislation is maintained, (including of course forbidding the launching of kayaks in a historic setting). Superintendent Brandt says he would have done things differently if he knew all the things there were to know. Excellent! He will now be a born again NEPA enforcer! We can count on him in the future! As for Snyder, it is impossible to embarrass a Rich Guy, but he did incur fines and had the value of his property reduced by having easements attached to the rest of his property. He did, however, finally get his view (huzzah!) Now neighbors, how would YOU have handled the situation? Remember, we are "team players", solvers of problems, able to make things happen for our supervisors. We're also bureaucrats and really don't want any trouble! Well now, what if your boss wanted you to do something that was wrong? Suppose he was boss of all bosses, like the Director of the NPS? Now this is not Catechism class or Sunday school, let us say this is the real thing. Here is a real life scenario from a real life ranger facing a real life moral decision. Clay Cunningham was the Stehekin district ranger in North Cascades National Park. The little settlement of Stehekin nestles at the north end of 55 mile long Lake Chelan. Stehekin is accessible only by boat, foot, horse or plane. Three are no roads. It is one of the most isolated and eccentric communities in the lower 48. Its remoteness made it a good location for an LSD lab or so rumor said. Ranger Cunningham arranged for a "health inspector" to examine some of the concessions. The "health inspector" turned up some suspicious circumstantial evidence of a lab. Cunningham wanted to know who was doing what now that the existence of the lab had been verified. He arranged to get the loan of an undercover narcotics officer from the LAPD, a raffish looking character, who took employment on the park maintenance crew and "hung around". In a few weeks the undercover cop had acquired both suspects and evidence. A number of seasonal employees were implicated in the LSD operation, including the son of U.S. Congressman and the son of an Associate Regional Director. Cunningham decided to review the case with a US Park Police major before issuing the arrest warrants. Bad tactical move, Clay.
With that background, your editor, (but not necessarily Cunningham ) comes to the regretful conclusion that the Park Police Major betrayed the operation to the US Congressman. The Congressman apparently contacted the Director of the National Park Service. The Director in turn contacted Cunningham's boss, George Wagner, and ordered that the arrest warrants be quashed. "What do you want me to do?" Cunningham asked Wagner. "Serve the warrants as quickly as possible. We don't know who has been talking to whom and the bad guys may scatter before we can make the arrests." Wagner replied. "It may mean our jobs, George!" Cunningham said, playing Devil's advocate. "I don't care. We can't operate that way. How do you feel about it?" Wagner said, stoutly. Cunningham agreed and said that speed was of the essence, as the Congressman would try to find a way to warn his son and allow him to escape. Cunningham's fear was well founded. He discovered that two mysterious gentlemen, dressed in business attire, rather than hiking clothes, had shown up in Stehekin and asked about the whereabouts of the trail crew of the Congressman's son and the Associate Regional Director's son. The mysterious gentlemen were already on the trail. Cunningham knew there was a chance of getting to the trail crew before the mysterious strangers. There was a shortcut, but a dangerous one. A cable for a proposed bridge had been stretched across the roaring Stehekin River. If Wagner could belay him, Cunningham felt he could shinny across the cable, steal a march on the mysterious strangers and make the arrest before they could intervene. Cunningham crossed on the cable without incident and managed to catch up to the trail crew and arrest the congressman's son without incident. On the way down the trail with his handcuffed prisoner, Cunningham encountered the two ominous men in black. "We want to talk to you" said one of the men in black. Cunningham pushed his prisoner pass them and kept his gun hand free. Cunningham told them he could not talk to them as he was escorting a prisoner. It is not known what the men in black wanted to talk about, but it probably was not wildflower identification. At any rate, the mysterious couple followed Cunningham and his prisoner for a short distance and then disappeared. The other members of the LSD ring, including the ARD's son, were arrested by sheriff deputies working with Cunningham in a concurrent jurisdiction situation. Now were there any reprisals from WASO? Yes and no. Cunningham was clever enough to involve a popular local sheriff in the operation, so WASO understood it would be bad local and national PR to support Congressional wickedness. George Wagner was transferred and for whatever reason felt that his career was stagnating, so he resigned from the NPS. Cunningham's career perked right along and he later became superintendent of Denali, where he had the pleasure of rehiring George Wagner as his Chief Naturalist. So everything eventually turned out well. The lesson is that Yes, if you are in the right, and keep on coming you can prevail against wealth and power as long as you don't take that first step on the Slippery Slope of Accommodation as occurred in the case of Brandt and Dan Smith, but not in the cases of Cunningham, Wagner and the late Doug Ferris. But like we say, the experience has, we are sure, been an education for Smith and Brandt. (Editor's note: A full report on the rousing ranger adventures of Robert Clay Cunningham can be found in his autobiography YELLOWSTONE TO DENALI, Clay Cunningham, Outskirts Press, Denver, Colorado, 2005)
THE FRIENDS OF SIR CLOUDSLEY SHOVELL Now neighbors, if you think you can malign the integrity of someone who has been dead for 300 years with impunity, well, you just better think again! The dead have friends!
You will remember THUNDERBEAR (issue # 256) retelling of the classic whistleblower story of the stubborn and arrogant Admiral Sir Cloudsley Shovell who sailed his entire fleet into the fog bound rocks, but not before taking time out to hang a frantic whistleblowing sailor who claimed that the Admiral was way off course and leading them to destruction. Naturally, we had to repeat the oft told tale of Sir Cloudsley and the whistleblower as it is so reminiscent and pertinent to the Bush Administration. The story is such a classic tale of arrogance and incompetence that it may not be true, at least not all of it. We recently received an e mail from a chap by the name of Colin Stretch:
"Having read THUNDERBEAR # 256 and being highly amused-and supportive of your stance (I shall read more) I cannot, as an Englishman, support your story of Cloudily Shovell. The references, apparently authoritative, cited by Mr. Stretch, make no mention of a heroic whistleblower that was hanged for his impertinence. Another reader, Frank Reed, referred me to Dava Sobel's excellent book "Longitude", the story of man's search for a way of determining longitude and thus one's exact position on the featureless ocean. Ms Sobel also buys into the idea of Admiral Shovell as the arrogant martinet too proud to take advice from a seaman. In Ms Sobel's version of events rather than sniffing the smoke of burning sea kelp, as THUNDERBEAR had it, our enterprising whistleblower had been doing a Dead Reckoning navigation project of his own; something that was strictly forbidden to common seamen, and determined they were going onto the scilly rocks. He brought this information to Admiral Shovell, who, a bear when contradicted, had him hanged on the spot. In order to help keep the whistleblower story plausible, Ms Sobell's version of the truth has one survivor of the wreck of the flagship who was thus able to relate one of the greatest failed whisleblower tales of all time. So what is true? Well, in 1707 Admiral Shovell's fleet went on the Scilly rocks with the loss of four ships and over 2,000 men, a tragedy that eventually lead to a way of accurately calculating a ship's position at sea. The whistleblower legend? Probably just a good story, something that is so good it ought to be true, like the story of Chief Seattle, and has taken on a life of its own. The moral is that if a story reinforces and confirms your beliefs and prejudices, it probably isn't true.
THE SAFETY MESSAGE
Here it is! You've finally found it! What you were REALLY looking for! The Safety Message!
As you can patiently explain to your boss, THUNDERBEAR, a trove of Safety Information, does not have a table of contents. THEREFORE, you as Safety Officer, or simply as a staff member concerned about Safety (can there be any other kind, neighbors) was simply scrolling down through the extraneous copy looking for the Safety Message. You certainly were not wasting government time and equipment reading the intervening rot and poppycock! Nosiree! One hapless Safety Officer had THUNDERBEAR on the screen, when the park superintendent, paranoid as Judas Iscariot (which those who have taken an oath of allegiance to the present administration tend to be) burst into his office and saw the image of the Great Bear on the computer screen. "WHAT'S THAT?" The superintendent exclaimed. "THAT'S THE SAFETY BEAR!" The quick witted ranger deadpanned "I need the logo for my monthly safety talk." Like a vampire facing a ring of garlic, the superintendent was forced to grunt and retreat. Safety is sacred, neighbors. This was not always the case. Safety, at least as a formal discipline, came surprisingly late to the National Park Service and for the usual reasons. Safety is born of disasters. Not what MIGHT happen, but what did happen. (Often a number of times, for slow learners.) "Gee, Captain, should we be sailing at top speed through this ice field at night?" "Is that storage tank empty? Anybody got a match?" "It's not loaded. I cleaned it the other day." These and other famous last words go to make up the Safety Lexicon, the great body of Safety Literature. Like we say, however, formal structure was slow in coming to the NPS. Like everything else in the NPS, Safety started in Yellowstone National Park (It is entirely possible that the NPS would never have discovered paper clips, carbon paper, or computers had not Yellowstone started using them first). Formal Safety began at Yellowstone not due to any particular brilliance on the part of the staff, but for the usual reason, a disaster.
Like other parents who have suffered a loss, the grieving parents decided to make their child's death both a monument and a mission. The family discovered that the NPS did not have a coordinated safety program and no regional safety officers as well as a number of other institutional safety deficiencies. The family contacted others who had relatives killed or injured in the parks to ask them to petition their congressperson for more accident prevention and safety education in the parks. By and large, these actions have made the parks safer for the taxpayers and staff. One requirement was that each park had to list its safety hazards in the park brochure or insert and advise the taxpayers not to become statistics. In many parks, particularly historical ones, the warnings were just common sense reminders; don't fall down the stairs, don't hit your head on low doorways etc. A few parks had problems that were not immediately obvious. For example, the cute feral ponies at Assateague National Seashore can be as destructive as Yosemite bears when it comes to food quest; tearing apart tents to get at coolers stored inside. The enterprising Assateague ponies even came up with a rather remarkable strategy for food acquisition; the cavalry charge. At dinner time, when campers had laid out food and coolers on the tables, a band of ponies, on coordinated signal might charge through the campground, clearing food from tables and overturning coolers in the resulting confusion. It was certainly more productive than chewing on cord grass and certainly deserved a safety warning to visitors. But most NPS safety reminders are pretty much common sense; the resulting accidents being some violation of the Law of Gravity (Either you land on something or something lands on you) Too much water or no water at all will do you in. Most people understand this and plan accordingly. Due to lack of planning on God's part, we humans do not come equipped with a full length water repellant fur coat. Couple this deficiency with an extravagantly sensitive thermostat that sends us into a coma and death if we deviate much from the norm, well, you have a recipe for disaster. However, when you think about it, if you use a little common sense about gravity, and manage your relationship with water correctly and avoid hyperthermia, you can avoid 90-95% of the stuff that hurts or kills you in a national park. True, there is the 5-10% weird stuff that is so unusual that you will make the NY TIMES if you choose to die of it: lightning, large animal attacks (including other tourists) snakebite, spider and scorpion venom, killer bee swarms and so on And then there is Hawaii Volcanoes National Park According to the Park Service, your common sense will not save you in Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. You are definitely in the 5-10% Land of weird ways to die.
The NPS teamed up with the US Geological Survey to produce a fascinating safety leaflet (Now neighbors when was the last time you were fascinated by a safety brochure?) The document is quite sobering. It is entitled "COMMON SENSE IS NOT ENOUGH" and you are asked to" Please read carefully: Your life may depend on it" Now there are those who estimate that volcano chasers have little or no common sense to begin with. Normally, when you see a volcanic eruption on television, you see the terrified locals streaming down the road, carrying their chickens, goats and pigs, trying to get away. American visitors, however, stream TOWARD the eruption. The fact that the molten lava is dumping into the ocean is an even greater attraction; The taxpayer knows that Kilauea is a government volcano and therefore is safe as it must obey the rules That is true, but the rules that Kilauea follows are geophysical, not Park Service Thus the park visitor can face all manner of exotic ways to die or be otherwise inconvenienced. These include shoreline collapse, explosions, molten lava, boiling seawater, steam plumes, flying rocks, poisonous air, whiteouts, Tsunamis, sudden darkness, and dehydration. Shoreline collapse is perhaps the most spectacular way to meet Jesus. There is an element of surprise as the flat "bench" extended out to the ocean looks "solid as a rock". It is rock, but not solid, as it often rests on recent volcanic rubble that can slide down hill taking the bench and you with it. The remedy is to resist the temptation to walk out to the water's edge (or even close!). Explosions occur when molten rock encounters sea water in a confined space such as a lava tube. This fires live steam and rock shrapnel in all direction. In 1994 two visitors were severely scalded by an ocean wave that came ashore near a lava vent. In 2000, two visitors were found scalded to death by steam laced with acid. Steam plumes (or LAZE) from the contact of sea and lava contain hydrochloric acid derived from the salt and hydrogen in the sea water (about the corrosive power of battery acid). In addition, the steam plumes contain tiny glass fragments that can irritate eyes and lungs.. The steam plumes occasionally are dense enough to result in a "whiteout" that is completely disorienting and leads to falls.
Sudden darkness is a uniquely Hawaiian safety problem for visitors from northern latitudes such as mainland Americans, Europeans and Japanese. Hawaii seems to have perpetual summer even in winter This is misleading. Folks from Seattle or Minneapolis are used to long summer days which are extended in twilight for several hours after the sun officially goes down. However, Hawaii is relatively close to the equator. This means that when the sun goes down, it gets dark real fast. There is no grace period as in summer Minnesota. The visitor can find himself in total darkness in an unmarked black lunar landscape -- unless he/she has heeded the "strange" NPS advice of always carrying a flashlight into the lava fields even when the noonday sun is blazing... "But it's only 3 miles to where the lava enters the sea. Why do we have to carry all that extra stuff like a gallon of water, flashlight, a first aid kit, gloves, and wear dorky long pants and boots?" Well, pilgrim, you DO have to come back (unless you have a deal with the Goddess Pele) that makes it 6 miles and then you must double that in time and difficulty as the" trail" is sharp, odd shaped clinkers bisected by cracks and crevices. This makes it 12 miles. You will also fall a number of times on very unforgiving surfaces, hence the need for gloves, long pants and boots. You will also be working hard in what is essentially a desert. The sun will be beating down and the ambient temperatures will be over 120 degrees near the lava flow. Yup, you will need that gallon of water. Charles Lindburg once remarked "It's the small, unexpected things that get you". The small, unexpected things that go beyond "common sense" or the visitor's experience. So, Park Safety Officer, if your park has any "small unexpected things, those 5-10%, it might be well to warn the pilgrims.
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PJ Ryan can be reached at:
thunderbear@erols. com.