THE LAST WORD: BILL WADE
One of the most outspoken of the "Greenblood" rangers is John W. "Bill" Wade. His penchant for getting to the heart of the matter provided him with an interesting and colorful career path in the National Park Service.
Bill was a Park Service brat, raised in Mesa Verde National Park where his father was Chief Ranger. He participated in the usual wonderful adventures of a Park Service childhood and adolescence. One of his early enterprises was a chauffeur service in which, for a fee, he would drive the cars the terrified eastern visitors back down the famous hair pin curves of the Mesa Verde entrance road.
He graduated from nearby Fort Lewis College with a degree in business administration and biological sciences in 1964.
After his Army service, Bill joined the NPS in 1967 as a park ranger at Mount Rainier National Park. Subsequent assignments took him to Yosemite National Park as a sub district ranger, then to National Capital Parks, Central in Washington, DC as a unit manager, then a stint as training specialist at Albright in Grand Canyon.
Bill's ability as a gifted instructor was recognized, and he was sent to New Zealand on a Fulbright Scholarship to assist the Kiwis in setting up a ranger training program at Lincoln College, New Zealand in 1976-77.
Upon his return he served as assistant chief ranger at Great Smoky Mountains National Park. In1981, he took another year's overseas assignment in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago as a parks and environment consultant with the Organization of American States.
He returned to take the position of assistant superintendent at Delaware Water Gap, which was followed by the superintendency of the Mather Training Center at Harpers Ferry.
He accepted the challenging assignment of superintendent of Shenandoah National Park in 1988, a position he held for nearly ten years until his retirement from the NPS in July 1997.
Among his many honors was the Hal Foss Award from the National Association for Search & Rescue in 1983, the NPS Director's Award for Superintendent of the year, The National Parks and Conservation Association's Stephen Mather Award in 1992 for contribution to resource preservation at the risk of his career; the Department of Interior's Meritorious Service Award in 1992 for career-long contributions to the NPS; in 1993, bill won the NPS Mid Atlantic Region's "Superintendent of the Year" and in 2000, he received the Department of Interior's Distinguished Service Award for career-long contributions to the Interior Department.
Perhaps of equal importance to Bill was the respect he received from his Park Service friends and associates for his tireless efforts to make the NPS a better organization, both while in active service and in "retirement" as Chair of the Executive Council for the Coalition of National Park Service Retirees.
According to Ranger Paul Anderson of Denali, "JW "Bill" Wade is truly a "big" man! Not just big in stature, he has a big voice, a big presence, and big ideas, but not a big ego. He is big hearted, highly principled, committed to service and sharing his knowledge and experiences with others, that they may be more effective leaders. We could use more like him!"
Another "Greenblood" former Associate Regional Director Rick Smith remarked "What I particularly admire about him was his drive to share with his colleagues in the Service what he had learned along the way. He was a tireless promoter of better management in the NPS whether through Managerial Grid, Situational Leadership, or Incident Management.
Rob Arnberger, former superintendent of Grand Canyon said "Wade is a pit bull! Once he gets something into his head and focuses on it, he grabs a hold and shakes the life out of it! Bill's love of the parks and what the idea stands for can never never be underestimated or devalued. He will always be a fighter for our parks whether he is retired or not." (Now does Wade exceed St. Francis of Assisi or John Muir in sanctity? Not quite: Arnberger continues mischievously onward:) "The stories I can tell about Bill will not be told because pay-backs are hell! I count myself fortunate to have had his friendship over many, many years."
According to Rick Gale of Boise Interagency Fire Management, "Bill has an almost uncanny ability to see the Big Picture."
Ann Baugh of the Horace Albright Training Center said "Working with Bill, one never had a dull moment. He is the best instructor I have ever known -- bright, organized, empathetic, fun, and an all around great guy."
Well now, neighbors, after all that laudatory prose, let's cut to the chase and ask this Wade fellow some questions:
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TB: Is the Bush Administration trying to destroy the National Parks as we know them?
BW: It's hard to know what their motives are, of course, but if we judge their actions, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that if certain things continue as they are, the National Park System will be dramatically changed. I have no doubt that the political ideologues in the Department of Interior will continue to push their initiatives and unfortunately for the American people, Director Mainella will not stand up for the values and purposes of the System. I believe the DOI leaders recognize her for what she is; a loyal political lapdog with no deep values for the National Park System as it was originally conceived and as previous generations of Americans have designed it. If the health of the system is the measure, I believe she will go down in history as the worst Director the NPS has ever had -- by far! TB: Is the Bush goal full privatization of the parks or simply a change to industrial recreation? BW: I think they'd be happy to privatize just about everything they could, and I'm sure they would be happy to create many more opportunities for the Greedheads (your term) to be able to make more money on parks and run more motorized vehicles all over them. TB: We are told that the Bush political appointees must approve every NPS promotion or transfer at or above the GS-13 level for political reliability. Have you ever encountered this degree of interference? BW: Never! In the past, you had to swear a general oath of allegiance to the United States in order to get a government job, but I've never before seen what amounts to a loyalty oath to the programs and values of a particular President or Secretary of the Interior. TB: It is said that the new GS-13's and transfers must understand and endorse Secretary Norton's four "C's", Communication, Consultation, Cooperation; all in the service of Conservation" What is your opinion? BW: Norton has her "Four C's alright, but they stand more for "Conspiracy, Compromise, and Concealment, all in the service of Commercialization" when it comes to National Parks. TB: Why do you believe the work of the Coalition of Retired National Park Service Employees is so important? BW: The Bush Administration seems to carry out its initiatives in response to lobbyists and huge contributions by favored industries and companies. Since wolves don't vote, owls don't lobby, and sea turtles don't make campaign contributions, someone has to stand up for them and for the rest of the resources protected by the National Park System TB: How would you combat such partisanship if you were a present day superintendent or regional director? BW: I'm not sure it can be "combated" except through the media and the Congress. If I were a present day superintendent, I'd hope to use my friends outside the NPS to raise a ruckus about it, just as a number of conservation organizations are doing. Maybe the best that can be hoped for is that it will "disappear" during the next Administration. TB: Has your organization; the Coalition of Retired NPS Employees contemplated putting out a "Manual" for legal resistance to the Bush Administration that could be sent to each of the 388 superintendents? BW: No, primarily because there are higher priorities to be worked on by the small number of us who are carrying the ball for the Coalition. We communicate behind the scenes with a number of superintendents and are getting critical information that we can use on their behalf. That seems to work pretty well, given our limited capabilities. TB: Why are the Parks so suddenly under funded? They seemed to do just fine in other administrations, without fee raising and selling corporate sponsorships? BW: I don't think the under funding is particularly sudden. I can't remember a year in my career where we had all the funding needed. But it is true that the problem seems to be exacerbated right now and getting worse, Part of that is just the past catching up with the present maintenance backlog for example. I also think that the cost of personal services has increased the problem; that is, greatly increased cost of benefits, increasing numbers of higher graded permanents and other similar costs. TB: How would you fund the National Parks? BW: The basic requirements of the National Park System should be funded entirely out of public funds. That could be appropriations or could include the "income tax check off" proposed in the National Parks Centennial Act. The only uses for private funds should be to accomplish special projects and the "icing" on the cake -- the "cake' being publicly funded. To do anything else subjects the system to potentially losing its "nationalness" and becoming beholden to special, regional, or local interests. TB: Should the NPS leave the Department of Interior and become an independent agency answerable directly to Congress, or combine with the Smithsonian to become a super agency? BW: I don't know the answer to this, but I do believe that there needs to be an objective, nonpartisan, academic and scientific look at both the organizational model and the institutional processes (such as staffing and funding) that will be used to take the NPS into its second century of existence. Failure to do this and continuing down some of the pathways now being traveled in managing the country's national heritage significantly increases the likelihood that they will be "impaired" for future generations. TB: You were "out on a limb" during much of your career, which included, among other honors, winning the Mather Award. Since one of the requirements of that award is that you put your career at risk to protect the park, could you elaborate on the circumstances? BW: It pertained to a particular air quality permit application that had been submitted to the Commonwealth of Virginia and which they approved. We felt it would significantly impact the air quality of Shenandoah National Park. Under the Clean Air Act, the "Federal Land Manager" of a Class I area had the authority to appeal a state permit approval to the Environmental Protection Agency. Administratively, Department of Interior had designated the Deputy Assistant Secretary for Fish, Wildlife and Parks as the Federal Land Manager for all Class I areas.. The incumbent at the time, Scott Sewell, who came out of the petrochemical industry in Louisiana, stonewalled my request to have it appealed. Our reading of the Clean Air Act indicated that "Federal Land Manager" could be interpreted to be the "On the ground" manager of a Class I area; I submitted an appeal direct to the EPA. Sewell evidentially tried to get me fired or failing that, reassigned as a "maintenance worker on the Crow Indian Reservation" (Direct quote from him, I understand) the best Sewell & friends could manage was a written reprimand. In the meantime, due to the delay resulting from my appeal, which the EPA accepted, the power plant applicant lost his financial backing and the plant was never built. TB: What was your favorite park and why? BW: I've never been able to identify one favorite park I've worked in. Each park had its own high points. In a larger sense, I suppose that since I grew up in Mesa Verde National Park, it has to be a favorite; and in terms of my visits to a number of parks in other countries, Fiordland National Park in New Zealand gets the nod. TB: Who was/were your role models(s) and why? BW: I had two in the NPS. John Townsley, who was superintendent at Mount Rainier when I started my first permanent job there, gave me advice that served me well in my career. He said "Develop a reputation or expertise in something and use it for the benefit of those who work in and come to parks." My other "hero" was Boyd Evison, whose values related to resource protection and science shaped my beliefs in the latter part of my career. TB: One of your many specialties was Search & Rescue. Would you describe one or two of your most interesting incidents? BW: Following the advice of John Townsley, I had the opportunity to significantly influence the improvement in the ways in which lost person incidents were managed. I'm sure these improvements have saved hundreds of lives in the past thirty years, so this was definitely the highlight for me. I also learned not to use codes in transmitting critical information in Search & Rescue incidents, even before the Incident Command System and its "clear text" requirement came along. On an airplane crash incident in Great Smokys, the subsequent crash of a Search & Rescue helicopter diverted all attention for a short period of time. Getting back to the original crash, I had another helicopter drop a small team near the crash and walk in to it. My instructions in code were to tell me how many sleeping bags the team had in response to a question about their supplies and equipment. In code, the number of "sleeping bags" reported would tell me the number of bodies (We knew there had been five occupants in the airplane) After reporting his arrival and in response to my question, the ranger in charge reported that he had "four and a half sleeping bags". Puzzled and not knowing if perhaps this meant he had someone in critical condition; I finally came straight out and asked him if there were any survivors, to which he responded:"No!" When he got back to base, I asked him what the hell he meant with his "four and a half sleeping bags". He replied "Well, I could only find half of one of the bodies!' TB: What would you say is the leading cause of a person getting the starring role in a Search & Rescue drama? BW: Failure to stay put upon realizing that he/she is lost and moving only a very short distance to where there is shelter and they can be easily spotted. TB: Do you have any safety tips for avoiding the starring role? BW: Stay put. Make yourself "large" -- this means do everything you can do to increase chances of being seen. (Use of colored clothing, access to a clearing, etc. The video "Lost, But Found; Safe and Sound. Distributed by the Association of National Park Rangers, is made for 6-10 year olds, but is applicable to everyone.) TB: Another of your specialties was management and personnel development. Rob Arnburger describes your desire to find and develop the good manager. How does one separate the wheat from the chaff? BW: Certainly experience is the best thing to draw upon, but I think there is a good deal of subjective evaluation involved. I just always felt that it was ludicrous to try to be all things to all people... I remember a phrase "There is nothing so unequal as the equal treatment of unequals" My belief was that I could do more in the long run by paying special attention to the high performers and increasing their strengths, rather than trying to fix the weak performers and their weaknesses. TB: The US Foreign Service has a policy of "Upward or Out" That is, if an employee does not advance in grade and responsibility within a certain period of time, he/she is terminated. Would such a policy be useful for the NPS? BW: Absolutely not! In fact, the NPS ought to do something to reduce the dependency on promotion. As an example; you have an outstanding interpreter but can only compensate that person to a modest extent for staying in that position. Ultimately, the person has to advance into a supervisory position to get ahead. So, you've probably lost a damn good interpreter and created a mediocre supervisor with one action. There should be a way to allow the interpreter to continue to "get ahead" by remaining in the field and becoming a "Master Interpreter" or something without having to cross over into supervision or management -- even if he/she ends up significantly out-earning his/her supervisor. TB: Should the NPS have a mentoring program for its intake trainees: a sort of "Godfather" who could be turned to for advice and suggestions? BW: One of the biggest faults of the NPS is cutting training first in times of budget deficiencies. This led to the elimination of the intake program and many other good development opportunities; I don't think the NPS ever had an effective mentoring program because it wasn't willing to fund it. Individuals and others (such as the Association of National Park Rangers) have had some success with it -- enough to suggest that it ought to be a much higher priority. TB: Aside from the Bush Administration, what are the greatest threats to the parks? BW: I think the greatest threat is commercialization and its many facets. The Bush Administration has been promoting it, more than previous ones, so it is high profile now. The general unwillingness to recognize the inherent values of National Park areas and to do what ever is necessary to assure that commercialization, in the form of power plants, development, motorization, etc, is prevented TB: What were your greatest challenges as superintendent of Shenandoah National Park? BW: Being faced with approximately 40 new air quality permits that were submitted to the Commonwealth of Virginia in a bit more than a year (More than were submitted in all other states combined during the same period definitely kept me busy for about three years.) I learned to use my friends, use the media, and become selectively disobedient. TB: What was the event or events that triggered your formation of the Coalition of Retired NPS Employees, an organization designed to protect the parks? BW: Three of us retirees (Rick Smith, Mike Finley, and I) were asked by the Campaign to Protect America's Lands (an organization established as a "watchdog" over the Department of Interior) to appear at a press conference in Washington, DC to talk about the threats to the National Parks. This was on May 19, 2003. Destry Jarvis had developed much of the data we included in our comments. We also decided to send a letter to the President, signed by as many retirees as we could cobble up. We got 23 signers, I recall. Soon after, we began getting calls and e-mails from other retirees who wanted to add their names to the letter, ultimately increasing the number of signers to over 60. Seeing the interest, we formed the Coalition of Retired NPS Employees, which has now grown to over 440. TB: Could you compare and contrast the styles and objectives of two Republican NPS Directors, President Reagan's William Penn Mott and President Bush's Fran Mainella? BW: I think the biggest difference is that Mott believed in the values and purposes of the National Park System and supported them at every turn. Mainella lacks those values and focuses her efforts on supporting the political leadership of the administration -- even at the expense of the parks. TB: Who was your favorite NPS director and why? BW: Russ Dickenson deserves my vote. He was in a very tough situation with Watt Hodel, and that administration, and yet managed to defend the basic park system against some of their "wise use" efforts. Too bad we don't have him today. |
THE PLATINUM KID
It has been said that "No man is a hero to his valet" That comment is also true of one's spouse. Most wives have heard the excuses, stories, dissimulations, and so on of their mates so many times that they are simply wryly tolerant of any effort to impress, let alone pose as a hero or someone of importance. My wife is no exception to this rule.
Therefore, it was a supreme pleasure to receive a letter from the Republican Presidential Task Force explaining just how important I am.
I read the letter to Joan over lunch to dispel any doubts she might have had over my key role in the machinery of the Universe.
"Listen to this!" I said, popping a bottle of Wild Goose Nut Brown Ale, the best beer to go with lunch on an autumn day.
The letter was from Senator Elizabeth Dole, wife of Bob Dole, that chap who was always saying "I WANT TO TALK ABOUT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!" which must have been a drag at cocktail parties when other people wanted to talk about balancing the budget, or getting enough money for national parks, but couldn't get a word in edgewise. because of Bob's fixation on hydraulics.
Anyways, Senator Liz was offering me an opportunity to become a platinum member of the Republican Presidential Task Force.
This offer did not come easily or without serious research on the part of Senator Liz. She has been busy in the Archives. According to her letter "ŠBy researching all available reports, I am pleased to let you know that this review has placed you in the top percent of Republicans not only in Maryland, but across the nation!"
Senator Liz continued to gush on about my attributes. "Mr. Ryan, only the most committed Republicans have been recognized with this coveted invitation since President Ronald Reagan founded the Task Force in 1981 -- and your place among the Who's Who in our Party is well earned."
I could see by the expression on my wife's face that she was not entirely buying it. Joan is a liberal Democrat.
According to Senator Dole: "President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and the Senate Republican leadership all look forward to your continued support.
Gee! They're counting on me.
"Do they want you to run for the Senate?" Asked Joan, archly.
"Well, not exactly" I admitted "They want $120.
"And what do you get?" Joan asked suspiciously.
"Well, that's the neat part!" I said enthusiastically.
According to Senator Dole, once I had made my pledge of $120, I would be granted a number of wishes;
First of all, I would receive a distinctive Presidential Task Force lapel pin that would instantly identify me to congressional staffers as I strode the halls of Congress, allowing them to get my number and have me pegged.
Secondly, I would be given my platinum Membership Card with my name engraved on it. (Now neighbors, as you advance in years and experience, you can't have too many of these cards, in case you forget who you are!)
"And most exciting of all" enthused Senator Dole, "Your name will be permanently inscribed on The Task Force Founder's Wall, located in the Honors Courtyard of the Ronald Reagan Center in Washington, DC where your name will be seen by presidents, senators, foreign leaders and dignitary (sic) who visit the Ronald Reagan Center for generations to come."
(Unfortunately these generations of politicians and foreign devils are going to have to be proficient in SCUBA to be able to read my name, as the Ronald Reagan Center is located in that part of Washington that will be flooded due to global warming!)
No matter. Senator Dole rattles cheerfully on. "The last two Presidential elections have shown that America is clearly divided between those who support President Bush's optimistic vision for America and liberal Democrats who are bent on taking us back to the era of Big Government and punishingly high taxesŠDespite the liberals increasingly personal attacks and the daily tempests of Washington's liberal media, George W. Bush is committed to accomplishing the people's business; creating hope, promise and opportunity for all who aspire to make their way in life through hard work, self-reliance, and a belief in the timeless values that have made our country the land of opportunity for EVERY generation.
(LIZ! LIZ! Too many glittering generalities! a sure sign of propaganda, for even a registered Republican like me to swallow! Big Government is arguably no worse that Big Wal-Mart and those "Punishingly" high taxes bought us interesting things like National Parks. Admittedly, parks are not nearly as exciting as your war, the cost of which exceeds the yearly Park budget every month. (Tell me again, Liz, without an increase in taxes, how ARE we paying for this War?) Unfortunately, the Republican virtues of "hard work, self-reliance and timeless values" have been replaced by the ENRON virtues of, Corruption, Cronyism, and Contempt for the welfare of anyone not in the Inner Circle.)
Speaking of the Inner Circle, whatever became of that? A few years ago, I was always getting a letter from Bob Dole, Liz's husband, who was Senator from Kansas at the time. In the letter Bob would tell me how he was always wondering to other Republican Senators why the Republican Party was doing so badly. (This was before Bob got off on Erectile Dysfunction) The other Republicans senators always agreed that it was because PJ Ryan was not in the Inner Circle of the Republican Party, where his advice was much needed.
How to get PJ in? Well, if PJ could JUST come up with $2,000 cash in one lump sum, (Apparently the $2,000 initiation fee was to keep the Coolies out) then PJ would be in the Inner Circle and the Republican Party would be saved; simple as that!
Problem was I never could come up with the $2,000 in one lump sum.
Elizabeth Dole understands this problem; that the purchasing power of the white lower middle class that makes up the voting base of the Republican Party has been steadily going down hill since husband Bob was in the Senate.
Does she plan to do anything about it?
Well no, but she understands the problem; that is, that the lower middle class has less discretionary income.
THEREFORE, Liz and the Republican Presidential Task Force have realistically scaled back their request from $2,000 paid up front, to a doable $120, AND as a concession to the hard strapped Republican working class, I do not have to pay the $120 up front. If I prefer I can pay the $120 in 12 installments of $10 per month, four $30 payments or two payments of $60Šthe only requirement is that all $120 has to be received within 12 months. Upon receipt of the full $120 I will get, according to Liz, "a full sized 3x5 ceremonial flag dedicated in our nation capitol" AND "Access to our toll free Hotline and our Members-Only Website where you can track the latest political developments throughout the crucial second term.
HOWEVER, suppose you are a destitute Republican living on dog food and social security in a cardboard shack by the railroad tracks, and you STILL want to help President Bush! Do not fret! Senator Dole has a plan for you!
"If $120 is out of your reach at this time, the good news is that you can still participate and support President Bush's agenda by becoming a Sustaining Member for $33. (Just $1 for each Senate seat up in 2006.)"
You have to hand it to Liz, she thinks of everything!
My wife cast me an unsmiling look from across the table. "Is this one of your heavy handed parodies?" she asked. "It's not very funny."
"I'm not making this up!" I said indignantly, shoving the letter across the table. "See! That's her signature! There really is a Senator Elizabeth Dole from North Carolina!"
"Unfortunately" replied my liberal Democratic spouse.
"How can you, as a decent human being possibly support such a den of vipers as the Bush Administration?" Joan inquired sweetly.
Well now, neighbors that is an interesting question and one frequently asked.
You see, we live in the Washington DC end of the fabled Blue Ghetto that stretches north from DC through New York City to Boston and west from the Atlantic for about 50 miles. Within the boundaries of the Blue Ghetto, just about everyone is a liberal Democrat (except Bush and Cheney who are paid to be here) and of course, myself.
Due to Joan's academic connections, we are frequently invited to parties and events where everyone is true blue liberal. In the course of the evening's chi-chat around the wine and cheese table, it always becomes obvious that I might be---a Republican!
This news is greeted with the same incredulous fascination as Muslims might exhibit if someone in Mecca announced he was a Mormon missionary from Provo, Utah. Just arrived to bring Light to the Islamic darkness.
People would gather round me to gape (Don't see many real live Fascists around here!) And of course, since I am personally responsible for George W. Bush, to express their outrage.
"HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT THE IRAQ WAR?" The answer is, we should never have allowed ourselves to be lured into this particular pottery barn, but since we broke it, we have to fix it.
"DON'T YOU REALIZE THESE REPUBLICAN SCUM ARE DESTROYING THE ENVIRONMENT?" Yup! You don't need an advanced degree in Environmental Studies to figure that one out, Elmer! That which they don't destroy, they will privatize.
"DON'T YOU REALIZE THESE CORRUPT REPUBLICAN BASTARDS ARE BANKRUPTING THE NATION? "Of Course!" I reply cheerfully. "I can do simple arithmetic!"
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF GEORGE W. BUSH? An amiable, even lovable dolt. Probably great fun on a kayak trip. Much less fun as President of the United States.
WHAT ABOUT VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY? A very believable villain! He even looks the part! If he didn't already have a job, he could find work in Hollywood playing the sneering, corrupt CEO of a rapacious international corporation.
WHAT ABOUT BUSH'S POLITICAL APPOINTEES? "No better or worse than the crew of any pirate ship. They take orders well and take no prisoners."
THEN HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY REMAIN A REPUBLICAN? They demand indignantly.
Well, there are a number of reasons, some historical, some socio-economic, but I suspect that mainly, it's the lifestyle.
The Republican Lifestyle?
Yes, I've grown attached to it.
You see, Republicans don't get malaria, nor Plague, nor dengue fever, nor bilharzias, or hookworm or guinea worm; you hardly ever have to de- worm a Republican. In fact Republicans are not subject to most communicable diseases. This is nice.
Republicans live no more than two to a room in houses that do not leak and are warm in the wintertime and cool in the summertime.
Republicans never starve. If there is absolutely no food in the house, they tend to send out for pizza.
The road in front of a Republicans house is always paved and the garbage and sewerage is always going somewhere else. A Republican's house is never located next to a toxic waste dump. When a Republican turns on the tap, clean, drinkable water comes out. A Republican accesses electricity 24/7 except during severe storms, and even then has the option of a portable generator.
Republicans go to a doctor or hospital when they feel sick, not when they feel they can afford to.
Republicans can have as much education as they can stand -- money is no bar.
Republicans not only have more fun that the Third World poor, they live twice as long.
Republicanism is such a pleasant life style that I plan to call on the President of the United Nations, Kofi Anan, and suggest that we abolish world poverty by advising everyone short of cash to simply become a Republican. It's really that simple. Poverty is a pretty dull sport and not all that much fun.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS? Bug eyed liberals respond.
Really, it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it: Open the mouth slightly, activate the neurons that control the tongue and vocal cords, and the words just tumble out!
I suspect that what my Liberal friend was implying was a double decker question: (A) how dare you impose your Republican life style on the rest of the world? And (B) it would be impossible to do so, anyway.
Actually, it is the other way around, the rest of the world would dearly like to have the Republican life style imposed on it Most people, contrary to Liberal romantics, do not like the NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC life style. They do not like cooking over an open fire of sticks in a mud hut and fetching water from the same fetid stream their neighbors are crapping in. Female people particularly don't like this life style as they do most of hauling and fetching. Even young boys see the career limitations of being a goatherd, particularly in times of draught.
Now it is true that no one, particularly in the United Nations refers to the Republican Life Style. The UN rather prissily refers to it as "International Standards". Despite the name, "International Standard" prevails only in a limited part of the planet (North America, Western Europe, Japan, and Australia, and very spottily in the rest of the world. (Indigenous Republicans?)
But is it possible, (or at least not environmentally evil) for the whole world to exist at the Republican or, if you prefer, the "International Standard" level?
Well, possible or impossible, the billion Chinese and the billion Indians are going to try for the "International Standard" with or without the permission of the Sierra Club, and the rest of the Third World will follow them. It is to our advantage to see that it works out well for them and they reach their version of the Republican Life Style.
"YOU REPUBLICANS ARE CRUEL, GREEDY, ENVIRONMENTALLY DESTUCTIVE VULGARIANS!" another liberal exclaimed, agitating the Chablis in his wine glass
This pained me. "Only SOME of us are cruel, greedy, environmentally destructive vulgarians" I pointed out. "To paint us all with the same brush is his height of stereotyping and racism." I chided.
I then patiently explained that Republicans were rather sharply divided into two species; the Greedhead Republicans and the Bullmoose Republicans.
Left to their own devices, Greedhead Republicans will steal everything not officially nailed down (sometimes quite literally as in the case of Congressman "Duke" Cunningham) usually going after natural resources and public lands they wish to privatize. They also demand huge subsidies for unbusiness-like businesses and activities that would have no hope without subsidies that are often environmentally destructive.
We Bullmoose Republicans, on the other hand follow the environmental philosophy of our beloved founder Theodore Roosevelt . Rather than the appropriation of natural resources, Bullmoose Republicans favor innovation, creativity "making something out of nothing, we support strong labor unions, a strong military, and like Jesus, we support the Second Amendment...
Were my liberal acquaintances converted to Bullmoosery? Well no. Liberal Democrats are pretty good at winning cocktail parties, not so well at winning elections.
So, did I send my money off to the Republican Presidential Task Force like Senator Liz asked?
No. Some of it went to a grassroots environmental group called www,wildwilderness.org whose director, Scott Silver has an uncanny way of stretching a donation to give you the best bang for your environmental buck of any of these outfits.
Another chunk went to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) as I figure they'll need some financial help in suing Fran Mainella and Gail Norton when the guy or gal who didn't take the loyalty pledge didn't get the job he/she wanted and decides to sue.
The last chunk went to Republicans for Environmental Protection (REP) The political arm of the Bullmoose Republicans. That was about as close as I could come, Liz.
Sorry 'bout that!
THE INTERIORSPEAK DICTIONARY
Now, neighbors after reviewing a note from the Supt. of Big Bend National Park on the subject of mountain bikes. I decided that we needed a dictionary to follow the changing meaning of words in the New Department of Interior lingua franca, Interiorspeak.
Interiorspeak is one of the many variations of Newspeak, that manipulation of words by bureaucrats, first spelled out by George Orwell in his famed novel "1984". The words are usually euphemisms for something distinctly unpleasant; often directly opposite of their original meaning. Thus in "1984", the Ministry of Love was actually a torture chamber and the Ministry of Truth was really the Ministry of Propaganda.
So what did the superintendent of Big Bend National Park say on the subject of mountain biking that required a dictionary?
First of all, a little background.
The Mountain bikers Association has been applying a come along hold on the various national parks to allow greater mountain biking access in the national parks. This pressure is hard to resist as mechanized recreation is one of the Holy Grails of the current louche administration. It has, of course, the support of the Bush appointees, Director of the NPS, Fran Mainella, and the capo di tutti capo, Gail Norton, Secretary of the Interior.
The desert national parks are particularly appealing to mountain bikers due to varied terrain, abrupt descents and ascents, lack of dense vegetation and a long, snow free season.
Art Allen of the Coalition of Retired NPS Employees queried Big Bend National Park concerning rumors of strong interest on the part of mountain bikers.
This is Big Bend's response:
Mr. Allen:Big Bend has been designated as one of the two pilot parks pursuant to the recently signed Memorandum of Understanding between the NPS and the International Mountain Biking Association (MBA) we will be going through a NEPA-driven public involvement process to consider the possibility of expanding mountain biking opportunities in the park. We are currently raising funds to do a contracted Environmental Assessment (EA). Our fund raising goal is $20,000. To date we have raised $12,000 with additional pledges in the pipeline so I would expect that we'll begin the EA process sometime shortly after the first of the year...
We'll soon begin a public scoping process that will outline an array of possible scenarios that will form the basis of alternative exploration during the EA process. No decisions or commitments of any kind have been made. We're going to be open to what the public involvement process yields. We'll be happy to include you on the mailing list to receive a copy of the EA and would welcome your thoughts comments on the alternatives.
FYI , I'm sure you know that the designation of roads, areas and routes for mountain biking must comply with the requirements of 36 CFR and that the expansion of mountain biking opportunities beyond those designated areas would have to first go through a NEPA process and then be promulgated as a special regulation.
Thanks for your interest in Big Bend. We'll be happy to keep you involved in the process as it unfolds.
Well now, neighbors! The above letter is a pretty good introduction to Interiorspeak!
How so? Well, let's take the ordinary English word "Opportunity." Now Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines "Opportunity" as "A favorable juncture of Circumstances" or "A good chance for advancement or progress."
Readers will note that the phrase "Mountain biking opportunities" occurs not once but twice in the body of the letter. This means that it is sort of a Park Service Mantra probably passed down from on High by the Director, Fran Mainella or some other Administration Greedhead.
Now just what are these "Mountain biking opportunities?"
Well, if you are a future hiker in Big Bend and have an unfavorable juncture with a Mountain biker, you have the "opportunity" to be maimed for life. No matter how good your orthopedic surgeon is, if you have been struck by one of those spiky contraptions, driven by its 200 pound "motor" at speed, down hill, it is unlikely that you will ever hike as well as before. If your head happens to strike one of Big Bend's boulders, you have the "opportunity" of ending up with the IQ of a Cholla cactus. (Remember, the biker, not you, has a helmet.)
Suppose your hiking day goes well. This will be because you have had the "opportunity" to acquire the razor sharp reflexes and reaction time normally associated with a combat infantryman on patrol. These reflexes permit you to leap out of the way of an oncoming mountain biker or obey the shouted commands of the biker as he thunders by.
"Ah! "say the Mountain Bike Opportunists, "We have considered the above lugubrious scenario! We will prevent that from happening! At no cost to the NPS, we will lay out and maintain our very own, exclusive use mountain bike trails! Best of all, we will be self policing, because (condescending chuckle!) nobody else can catch us!"
Now there are loads of "opportunities" that I am probably missing. Obviously, "opportunity" has a different meaning in Interiorspeak than in Webster's.
However, for sake of argument, let's say that "opportunity' means the same thing to the NPS as it does to Noah Webster. In that case "Mountain biking opportunities" has the suspicious feel of a done deal, no matter how many bureaucratic hoops and ramps are set up to be jumped through and over in this "scoping" and "planning" process, the only issue being How much and Where.
Along with "Opportunity", this Administration has spawned a whole series of words that now have Orwellian double meanings that are particular to the Department of Interior and the National Park Service... In self defense, NPS administrators should have a pocket dictionary of these words for use when they show up in a memo from Mainella or Norton. As a public service, THUNDERBEAR will put together such a dictionary with your help.
Need some examples? Here are a few:
Opportunity (noun) the ability of a special interest group to commandeer public lands to the detriment of these lands and other usersPartner (noun )See Conspirator; Conspiracy
Wise Use (noun) Degradation of public property for the benefit of a select few.
Conservation (noun) The sequestration of ill-gotten gains until they can be divided up among one's fellow thieves
You get the drift! So hop to it! We hope to have the New Unabridged Department of Interior Dictionary ready for the mid-term elections.
FRAN MAINELLA AND THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE
Americans love mysteries. We are particularly enchanted by the sudden mysterious disappearance of large numbers of people and their conveyances, ships or planes, without a trace.
The only possible explanation for these disappearances is the existence of a lost civilization (Atlantis?) under the Atlantic Ocean. As they are an extremely advanced civilization, life might get a bit boring, so they like to check us out from time to time, to interview us and see how we are doing. Hence the mysterious mass abductions
The first such mass abduction was the famous "Lost Colony of Roanoke" which is commemorated today at Fort Raleigh National Historic Site in North Carolina.
Sometime between the year 1585 and 1587, the entire colony of 116 men, women, and children, including Virginia Dare, first English child born in the New World, vanished without a trace. The colonists had a secret code which consisted of carving a Maltese cross above any message they left to indicate they were under physical attack. Since no Maltese cross was found, we know that the Atlanteans were peaceable and persuaded the colony to accompany them back to Atlantis.
In the 19th century, the Atlanteans became curious again. In 1872, they intercepted the famous "Mary Celeste" sailing from New York to Genoa, Italy with a cargo of industrial alcohol. The Mary Celeste was later found sailing along, perfectly sound, ---but without the captain, his family, the crew members or any other human on board. Again, there were no signs of violence, the Atlanteans being peaceable but persuasive.
In the early 20th century, the Atlanteans were becoming interested in our technology. The USS Cyclops, a modern navy collier, 570 feet long with a displacement of 20,000 tons left Rio de Janeiro in February 1918 bound for Baltimore with a cargo of manganese ore. After stopping briefly in Barbados, March 3-4, the Cyclops steamed out into the Atlantic, never to be seen again. There was no radio SOS to indicate problems and no wreckage was ever found. The German Navy had no submarines in the Western Atlantic at that time. The Atlanteans had taken the entire ship as well as the 309 crew and passengers
In 1945, shortly after the end of the Second World War, Flight 19, a training patrol of 5 Navy Avenger Torpedo bombers with a total complement of 14 men, vanished off Florida as did the Navy flying boat sent to search for them. The Atlanteans must have been impressed with the speed of our technological progress from 1585 to l945.
By the year 2005, the Atlanteans had everything they wanted except for one thing: They didn't have a National Park System in Atlantis.
The obvious way for the Atlanteans to remedy this deficiency would be to abduct 100 National Park Service Managers. This they proceeded to do.
How do we know this? 'Cause Fran Mainella tells us so, that's why!
You see, recently the Park Management policies Document of the National Park System, which is roughly like a constitution, and provides broad guidelines on what is to be done and what isn't was subjected to revision. Like most constitutions, you don't have to change too many words and phrases before you have an entirely different document.
This new "interpretation of the NPS mandate was so skewed toward mechanized recreation that non-admirers of Ms Mainella asked exactly who had performed this abortion.
Director Mainella indignantly said that the work was done by an elite crew of 100 highly skilled and respected park managers.
Skeptics asked her to produce them.
Well, Fran was as puzzled as anyone else when it was found that the 100 park managers had vanished into thin air!; just like the Lost Colony, the crews of the Mary Celeste, The USS Cyclops, and Flight 19. They had disappeared without a trace!
Now like other mysteries of the Bermuda Triangle, we have people working on this particular mystery. FOIA's (Freedom of Information Act) requests have been made to the National Park Service in an effort to solve the latest of the eerie disappearances in the Bermuda Triangle! We'll keep you informed. Perhaps it wasn't the Atlanteans, maybe it was the Limurians.
POMBO ISLAND
Recently, Congressman Richard Pombo, a high handed environmental scoundrel from Tracy, California, grandly announced the possibility of selling off a few national parks to satisfy the needs of what President Eisenhower referred to as the military/industrial complex.
This is no idle brag of some first term hick from the sticks with an ego and no power. Pombo may indeed be a hick from the sticks, but he is an 8 term congressman and has accrued power as well as ego. Pombo is currently chairman of the House Natural Resources Committee and is thus in a position to make the wet dream of the Cato Institute and other right wing groups to privatize all public lands within 40 years come true.
Only a relatively few Bullmoose Republicans in the House and Senate stand in his way.
His first effort was that of every Middle School bully; see how much he could get away with. If there was a reaction, there would be the injured tone of voice of "Gee! It was only a joke! I was just funnin'! The next gambit is to offer a slightly less outrageous threat than the previous one. This is supposed to be a "compromise" and it is only "fair" that you agree to it.
One of the National Park units that Pombo offered in his fire sale was Theodore Roosevelt Island, the 88 acre island in the Potomac River in Washington DC that is the official monument to the nation's first environmental president. Pombo believed that the island in the heart of downtown DC could be sold to housing developers for, oh, around a billion dollars, or nearly a month's worth of the Iraqi War.
Reaction from the environmental community and virtually every normal American within earshot was fiercely anti-Pombo.
Pombo did the injured, misunderstood bully routine, and denied that he intended to sell Theodore Roosevelt Island (At least right now) and only asked his staff to get a real estate appraisal as a sort of "yardstick" for the valuation of federal properties. Uh huh... (Are you tired of Pombo? Want to see and hear the last of him? Then contact www.votepomboout.org)
For my part, I had to admit I had not seen Theodore Roosevelt Island. How could I defend the place if I had not visited it? Actually, this is a greedhead argument and is quite irrelevant to the issue at hand. Greedhead oilmen are always claiming that since most Americans have not seen the Alaska National Wildlife Reserve, it does not have the right to exist.
However, since I live a few miles upstream from Theodore Roosevelt Island, I thought I should take a look at it before it becomes Pombo Island.
Of the five presidential monuments in our nation's capitol (Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, FDR and TR) Theodore Roosevelt's monument is by far the largest in acres. It is also the least visited.
The main reason for relatively low visitation is that it is not on or near the mall like the other four monuments and is a bit out of the way, being an island in the Potomac. Access to the island is a bit complicated as the island cannot be accessed from the southbound lane of the George Washington Memorial Parkway unless one is driving an Abrams tank and can crash through the Jersey barrier and access the parking lot. True, one can overshoot the island by a couple of miles on the southbound parkway, then make a U turn at the first intersection and return to the parking lot and take the foot bridge across the 100 yard channel to the island. That is the normal way of doing it, but not the best way.
The best way to visit Theodore Roosevelt is by canoe or kayak.
Fortunately, that is no inconvenience for me as I always carry a tandem kayak on top of my vehicle at all times for reasons of self defense and safety.
Say again?
Well, you see I live in DC, the third most traffic congested metropolitan area in the US (Los Angeles and San Francisco are first and second respectively; New York and Boston come in fourth and fifth)
When you travel constantly in such traffic, you need an edge. A large red kayak on top of your vehicle, with red flag flying gaily from the stern, gives you that edge. People instinctively give you a lot of space ("Edna, he might harpoon us with that damn thing!")
Works like a charm! Even buses and 18 wheelers can be intimidated.
Sometimes days, even weeks go by without my actually using my kayak, but it is on board if I need it.
"Let's see Theodore Roosevelt Island before it becomes Pombo's Condos!" I suggested to my wife.
Joan was amenable. We packed a lunch, set out on highway 495 and picked up the George Washington Memorial Parkway on the Virginia side of the Potomac. Like most NPS parkways, GWMP is a delightful deception. The four lane road way is thickly lined with Eastern deciduous forest trees -- to the depth of 100 feet or more. This provides the illusion that you are somehow driving through the original forest of John Smith and Chief Powhatan. Everyone knows it is an illusion, but it is a nice one; far superior to the grim reality of a Los Angeles Freeway.
We motor down through, the white oaks, sycamores and tulip poplars, past Turkey Run Park, the thickest part of the parkway, recovering to wilderness, and, like Roosevelt Island, prime Greedhead real estate development.
There are exits along the parkway marked with the NPS discreet white on brown signs, indicated such sights as Fort Marcy, a Civil War era earthwork when Vince Foster shot himself, and Claude Moore Colonial Farm, a working pre American Revolutionary farm, where you can get an idea of the hard-scrabble life of a tenant farmer on the eve of the Revolution.
There is also the same white and brown sign inviting you to "The George Bush Center for Intelligence". Many tourists from Iowa or California are intrigued by the sign, apparently believing it to be an oxymoron, and, out of curiosity, take the exit.
This is a mistake as you will provoke an armed response if you do so. "The George Bush Center for Intelligence is, of course, the headquarters of the CIA, and no, they don't have a museum, visitor center or particularly want your company.
We breezed past Theodore Roosevelt Island and continued on for around two miles to the Columbia Island Marina, a part of GWMP, but leased to a concessionary that appears to be doing a good job.
We launched Koala Bear, our kayak at the Marina boat ramp, which is free to kayaks and canoes, but charges $5 entry-exit for power boats. If the wind is blowing hard and you don't like the chop on the main Potomac channel, you can hang a right in the Marina and go up a narrow, tree lined, tunnel like channel which is protected from the wind, almost to Theodore Roosevelt Island. However, the Potomac is a tidal river and this is not recommended except at high tide.
Besides the best views are from the river itself, so we took a left, then another left past the houseboats, and headed out into the Potomac through the graceful arch of a GWMP bridge. These GWMP bridge arches are some of the scenic unsung treasures of GWMP as they allow a photographer to frame the traditional shots of the DC monuments in a stone and concrete arch.
The Potomac was smooth, the breeze was gentle and the tide was right. You can make good time in a tandem kayak if you are at all coordinated, and we had done this many times before. We soon entered the channel between Theodore Roosevelt Island and the Virginia shoreline, looking for a place to land on the island. This is not as easy as you might think. The core of the island is very hard Mica Schist, but the island shoreline is mud flats. This is very active mud as tidal riverine mud tends to be; sucky, yucky and knee deep in places. It is also contaminated mud, with the residue of partially treated sewerage lingering a bit longer in the mud than in the river itself. While the Potomac is far cleaner than it was even ten years ago, you really don't want to go wading in Potomac mud.
Now your National Park Service is agnostic on the subject of visiting Theodore Roosevelt Island by kayak or canoe, neither particularly encouraging or discouraging such visits. For its part, the NPS has provided you with a good looking, perfectly usable 100 yard long footbridge, and that, as far as they are concerned, is that.
We passed under the foot bridge, continued up the channel and rounded the upstream end of the island. There is a pile of rocks here marking the island end of an old causeway, long since removed, where in a pinch, one can land. However, I was told the best landing was on the DC or main channel side of the island. The trick is to look for the 6 foot tall letters painted bright yellow on the sea wall over on the DC side of the Potomac. (The various university rowing teams paint their initials on the sea wall; George Washington University of one of them. You line your craft up with the "GW" and look at the shore of Theodore Roosevelt Island. You will see a steel pipe about ten feet tall that may be partially hidden in dense foliage if you arrive in summer. It marks one of the few spots on the shore where there is a gravel bottom, where you can easily land and pull your craft up on dry land. This we did. There is a short trail that connects with the trail around the island.
The island, around 88 acres, is quite diverse with two main ecosystems; a swamp and upland forest (30 feet above sea level at the highest point.)
The Swamp trail is more than a half mile of boardwalk, the "boards" being recycled plastic that seems to hold up better than God's stuff in a swamp environment. The Park Service has wisely skipped the heavy duty nature evangelizing; very few interpretive signs, letting the urban wilderness speak on its own terms.
George Washington would recognize most of the trees species, though none of the trees date back to his time as the island, various known as "My Lord's", "Barbados" and Mason's Island, was a working farm off and on for 300 years. A few exotics have established a foothold on the island, in the case of English Ivy it is serious enough threat that the NPS is using an herbicide to control this pest
There are quite a few places in the Washington, DC areas, where, if you look in the right direction, things look pretty much like they did when John Smith and Pocahontas were sizing each other up. However, there are no places that sound like that time or even Theodore Roosevelt's time and Theodore Roosevelt Island is no exception. The island is in the flight path of Ronald Reagan National Airport (symbolism there, neighbors!) and one can hear the surf-life rumble of traffic on the GWMP.
Still, the visuals are great and it is a delight to walk through a recovering forest.
Eventually, sooner or later, no matter which of the circular trails one takes, one will stumble upon the Memorial to Theodore Roosevelt. Unlike all the other presidential monuments, this one is in a clearing in the forest and you sort of happen upon it like a ruined Mayan temple in the jungle. The effect is impressive.
There is a plaza with a couple of huge bowls which are fountains when they are functioning (which they were not) a river that goes nowhere (now dry) a heroic (?) high bronze stature of Theodore, arm raised in full cry. Flanking him are four 20 foot tall Stonehenge like slabs of rock inscribed with Roosevelt's remarks on four subjects that were important to somebody. They were MANHOOD, THE STATE, YOUTH, and NATURE. (Each word got its own rock.)
Joan was aghast. "Did he really say this stuff?" she asked incredulously
"Well, I guess so" I answered uncertainly "They wouldn't be there if he didn't say them" I said, uncomfortably.
I could see her point. Most of the quotes sounded like what a none too bright high school football coach might say at a Rotary breakfast in a very conservative Midwestern town.
One quote from the "NATURE" slab sounded like it had been written by Richard Pombo himself "Conservation means development as much as it does Protection"
Oh yeah?
A quote from the MANHOOD tablet has the ring of an Osama Bin Laden sermon exhorting the faithful "Only those are fit to live who do not fear to die and none are fit to die who have shrunk from the joy of life and the duty of life."
The NATURE slab provides us with the banality "There is delight in the hardy life of the Open" Well yes, but would you carve it in granite?
The STATE slab provides us with "Order without liberty and liberty without order are equally destructive" which sounds like a slick argument for "guided democracy"
Back to MANHOOD, we are instructed that "A man's usefulness depends on living up to his ideals as far as he can". Theodore's qualifier "As far he can" provides an escape hatch for the Idealism challenged of say, the Bush Administration, who reach their moral limits rather quickly.
Joan looked at me rather oddly, as she knew that Theodore Roosevelt was one of my heroes.
"I'll have to research this!" I replied stout as any Bullmoose as we walked back to the kayak.
As it turned out, Roosevelt deserved better. He did say these things, but the quotations had been "cherry picked" by folks who may have had an agenda. Although the Monument was designed by the architect Eric Gugler and dedicated in 1967, the quotes were not selected at that time, but were lifted, almost verbatim, from the Roosevelt Memorial Rotunda at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. At that time, (early 30's) the Museum of Natural History was under the influence of some rather conservative folk such as Harry Fairfield Osborne.
Roosevelt was a complex individual and had a conservative side as well as a somewhat radical side. It is possible that the folks that put together the quotes for the Roosevelt Memorial Rotunda preferred to emphasize his conservative side.
(It should be pointed out that none of this is the fault of the NPS, which did NOT select the quotes, but only protects and maintains the monument and island.)
Perhaps the Theodore Roosevelt Memorial Association which purchased the island in 1932 and gifted it to the American people as a memorial to the 26th president might give some consideration to providing more uplifting quotations.
For example, the Pombo-like quote "Conservation means development as much s it does protection" is only Pombo-like because it has been taken out of context. The next sentence in the quote reads "I recognize the right and duty of this generation to develop and use the natural resources of our land, but I do not recognize the right to waste them, or to rob by wasteful use, the generations, that come after us.
Theodore Roosevelt had other pithy quotes that the Memorial Association might consider carving in stone.
"I hate a man that skins the land"
"To befoul the unholy alliance between corrupt business and corrupt politics is the first task of the statesmanship of the day."
"The country will not be a permanently good place for any of us to live unless we make it a reasonably good place for all of us to live."
"Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the President or any other public official."
"Behind the ostensible government sits an invisible government, owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibilities to the people.
"That we are to stand by the President, right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but it is morally treasonable to the American public"
There are scores of quotes like these. Help yourself
THE SAFETY MESSAGE
Congratulations! You have finally found your way to the SAFETY MESSAGE, your sole reason for accessing THUNDERBEAR.
This month's message deals with Commensalism and Predator Management.
Commensalism, as you remember from your college course in ecology, translates as "Everyone at the table". That is, species that are able to coexist in an ecosystem without eating each other and at least one of them doing a spot of good for the other. One example would be pronghorns and bison.
Commensalism is, or should be, the guiding light and Holy Grail of the National Park Service at least for us humans (No, Ms Mainella , making money for your greedhead masters is not the major goal of the NPS!)
When we humans engage in commensalism in a national park setting, we tacitly agree to protect all animals, not from each other, but from ourselves. In return for our forbearance in not killing these animals for food or sport, they give us aesthetic pleasure in viewing them or spiritual renewal in simply knowing that such creatures exist.
At least that is the contract. Not all the animals, particularly the larger predators, have read the fine print. We believe in commensalisms, we do not believe we are part of the food chain. Sunderban tigers, Australian Salt Water Crocodiles, and Grizzly bears do not entirely agree.
In the Sunderbans National Park of India, some 300-400 Royal Bengal Tigers dwell in the world largest Mangrove swamp. Their prey is deer or buffalo, but if they had their druthers, the main prey would be those slow moving , slow witted, two legged bags of protein with their deficient senses of sight, hearing, and smell; God's gift to a Sunderbans tiger, us humans.
Now the Indian Park Service has a problem. Tigers are, along with elephants, the national symbol of India, and also one of the great tourist and thus foreign exchange attractions. On the other hand, while no one lives in the Sunderban National Park, many of the local people enter the park to collect firewood, medicinal herbs and to fish. Not all of them return. This is a concern of the Indian Government: How to keep the Sunderbans tigers attracting the tourists and not eating the local taxpayers and voters.
One ingenious method was to provide the locals with human face masks to be worn on the back of the head, as tigers traditionally attack from behind. This passive method was surprisingly effective for a time, but passive defenses have an inherent flaw in that sooner or later, an enterprising (or hungry) animal will decide to experiment. If successful, the results are passed on to the cubs.
The next defense was an active aversion training device which consisted of a human manikin dressed in used human clothes (for the scent) positioned by a stream or campsite -- and hooked up to a 12 volt car battery. The resulting shock to the tiger seems to be having the desired effect, though there continue to be the odd unpleasant incident.
Australia's Yellowstone, the storied Kakadu National Park, boasts the Salt Water Crocodile, the world's largest reptile and very probably the leading killer of humans among wild animals (, most animal caused human deaths are due to dear old Rex and Towser, our dogs and, most prosaically, by Holstein cows)
Salt water crocs are a formidable predator, sometimes weighing more than a ton and occasionally reaching 25 feet in length, they can certainly get the job done.
To the best of my knowledge, the Australian Park Service does not subject its Crocs to aversive training, though it does relocate individuals that show an interest in passing visitors. The Kakadu Park Staff also strongly encourages guided tours, counting on the strength of numbers, plus the knowledge of the guide, to keep visitors out of harm's way.
Then we come to the issue of Commensalism, safety and Lord Grizzly.
At one time, there were more than 50,000 of these great bears, ranging over the North American West, from the Barren Grounds of Canada to Mexico. They were literally the Lords of the horizon. Not any more. They are few and far between.
The few that do remain add a special, tingling frisson to camping in Grizzly country, alone, or with a small party, and unarmed.
I recall taking a kayak tour of Glacier Bay National Park with one other person. There was Grizzly sign everywhere. There was a bit of tension between the two of us due to an unspoken question: I decided to speak it.
"Ed, if a Grizzly attacks the tent, he can only eat one of us at once; that will slow him down. There is no damn use in the other guy beating on the side of the Griz with a kayak paddle while he waits his turn! You have my permission to get the hell out and I hope I have your permission to do the same! The polite thing would be to wave goodbye."
This broke the tension and cheered Ed up immeasurably and we had a great trip with no bear encounters.
This of course, requires a certain amount of fatalism on the part of the camper, which can ultimately prove fatal to the bear as well as the camper (The land management agency always liquidates the offending bear) Is it necessary that the high point of your wilderness experience include the possibility of being eaten by a bear, with the bear making the major decisions in the matter?
Is there another way? Well, there are the various bear sprays that seem to work a lot of the time, but they require the quick draw and unflappable nature of a Bass Reeves or some other U.S. Marshall.
Art Allen drew my attention to something called a "Bear Fence" for wilderness campers. Art was a bit incredulous, and so was I. It just didn't seem possible that you could have a portable electric fence that would keep bears away from you and your supplies.
However, when in doubt, ask a ranger. So I e mailed ranger Paul Anderson, a wilderness ranger up in Denali National Park. I fully expected Ranger Anderson to tell me that I had been taken in by the modern version of the snipe hunt; that the portable bear fence was the Alaska equivalent of the Wyoming Jackalope.
This was not the case. Portable electric bear fences really do exist! According to Ranger Anderson: "My take on bear fences is this: If your concern is not becoming a meal for a bear while you're sleeping in your tent in the backcountry, electric fences seem to work. No one that I know has been mauled or eaten while inside an electric fence in the backcountry. Electric fences are currently used on Alsek river trips by commercial outfitters and by the NPS. The Brooks Campground at Katmai is surrounded by an electric fence, and what I have been told by the staff, it works well.
For those who regularly travel in wilderness areas with high bear concentrations, electric bear fences seem to be a good, relatively dependable safety device. They certainly help manage risk. And keeping bears from getting to human food is critical to their survival (bears that is) as "a fed bear is a dead bear" is more true than we'd like to imagine."
Ranger Anderson is willing to present the opposing viewpoint: "Some folks, of course, believe that using a bear fence is not appropriate in the wilderness, and from an ethical point of view, it is a mechanical device that when used properly, reduces the sense of danger, or the feeling of "being one with the land" Thus, they argue, the bear fence is the antithesis of what wilderness is all about."
Thank you, Paul!
However, say you are a strong believer in commensalism, agree that a "fed bear is a dead bear," and don't want to end up as the main ingredient in bear poop, how do you obtain one of these gizmos?
Well, like everything else in life, you go to the internet and Google up the subject, which in this case would be "Portable Electric Bear Fences"
As usual, you will be provided with more information than you can digest at one setting and a number of vendors.
According to an article by Craig Medred of the ANCHORAGE DAILY NEWS, one of the vendors will shortly be Sherri Tengey of Alpacka Rafts in Anchorage. Yup, Sherri is the wife of Ralph Tengey , Chief of Operations of the Alaska Region of the NPS.
According to Medred "The Tingeys, having done backpack and wilderness float trips in areas with high bear densities, believe a lightweight electric fence could make Alaska safer and more enjoyableŠRalph has been working with Sure guard Fencing (www.sureguard.com.au) an Australian company that produces a 9,500 volt energizer almost exactly the size of an avalanche transceiver. Sureguard advertises this unit as "small enough to fit in your pocket, yet powerful enough to power two kilometers of fence wire" It weighs about 7 ounces and runs off two AA batteries or a solar panel and has enough juice to knock down a bear.
In addition to human safety, there is the matter of Loss Control. Bears, like cats, are incredibly curious about any thing new in their environment and do their research with tooth and claw. They can easily peel open a $200,000 airplane just to see if anything interesting is inside and vehicles succumb nearly as easily. Even humble scientific instruments are subject to bear curiosity and destruction. Chad Halts, a scientist working at Denali, and studying sound in the Wilderness, found his remote microphone set ups regularly vandalized by bears until he set up electric bear fences around them.
Would a bear fence have saved the life of Timothy Treadwell and his fiancé, who were the subjects of Werner Herzog's celebrated documentary "Grizzly Man?"
The answer is, sadly, no. Treadwell suffered from terminal arrogance, for which there is no defense. A Fish & Wildlife Service biologist, Tom Smith, once strongly advised Treadwell to get a bear fence if he insisted on spending the summer in heavy bear concentrations. Treadwell contemptuously told Smith that he (Smith) was "Afraid of Bears." The rest, as they say, is bear poop.
CORRECTION
In issue #264, we misquoted Roger Siglin on the subject of Illusion and National Parks.Roger wrote: "Good issue. You misquoted me on illusions. I never said National Parks were an illusion, even if what they preserve is an illusion, i.e. wilderness and other things."
THUNDERBEAR stands corrected.
Many thanks, Roger!