MY ROLE IN THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION
The political appointee has a long and honorable history in Government being the first (and only) method of staffing the Civil Service in the early days of the Republic. There is a stark logic in rewarding your friends and punishing your enemies by giving them a government job that is hard to beat. In 19th century America, a federal job such as postmaster, customs collector, Indian agent or lighthouse keeper was often the only steady gig in a time of wildly fluctuating business cycles and a notable lack of Social Security. If you nailed a political appointment, you wouldn't starve for a minimum of 4 years and much longer if your party had a run of electoral good luck the way the Republicans had in the later part of the 19th century.
This naturally created a great deal of interest in the sacred civic duty of voting--as often as possible and in as many precincts as possible. The winning party could provide a real, tangible reward to its faithful and not mealy mouthed rhetoric about Good Government and how God prefers Republicans to Demoncrats as is the case today.
All this was brought to a screeching halt in 1888,when a disappointed Republican shot President Garfield to death over a difference of opinion over whether the Republican in question should get a postmastership. (This was a (literally) fatal flaw in the patronage system, there were never quite enough jobs for the party faithful and their relatives), The result was the Pendleton Civil Service Act, which begat, well, you and I.
However, the Government decided to keep Political Patronage alive as a sort of Living History Program in the form of the Schedule C appointments. There are about 3,000 of them scattered throughout the government. Ostensibly, these Schedule C folks are supposed to be the eyes and ears of the new administration, preventing the Trotskyites in, say, the National Park Service from running amok. Theoretically, they are supposed to be people of Independent means doing temporary charitable work among the civil servants, improving their work habits, uplifting them and providing a shining example to the career bureaucrat.
Naturally, the Schedule C's are thoroughly hated by the career civil servants.
I recall one humorous incident involving a Schedule C appointee down at Jean Lafitte National Historic Park and Preserve in Louisiana. I was having a closed door conference on park matters with the Assistant Resource Manager, Bobbi Simpson. (The door was closed to conserve scarce air conditioning).
However, our GS-11 Schedule C Appointee did not know this, and seeing the closed door, assumed the worst: That Bobbi and I were plotting against the Bush Administration (The father, not the son). He pressed his ear against the door and strained to hear what we were saying. We droned on about the water hyacinth problem or some such and I started to leave, still carrying on the conversation, expecting to say my goodbyes in the hall. I abruptly yanked open the door-- and the poor Schedule C crashed to the office floor, just like in the movies, much to the merriment of Bobbi and myself.
Anyway, I figure it's my turn to be a Schedule C and defend the goals of the (present) Bush Administration.
How is this possible, you ask? One need look only to Robert Stanton, who was raised from the dead to become Director of the Park Service by President Clinton, for historic precedent,
"But why you"? petulant critics might ask.
Well, neighbors, because I'm part of the Republican Inner Circle, that's why.
The Republican Inner Circle? Yes, friends, what you've always suspected is true! There is a small coterie of oligarchs in the Republican Party, not necessarily elected, that really run the country and tell the President what to do! How do I know this? Have I been reading THE NEW YORK TIMES or other liberal trash? NO! I get my information straight from the Republican Senate Majority leader!
Every year or so, I get a letter from the Republican Majority leader and he tells me that he has been talking to the Republican senator from whatever state I happen to be residing in and lamenting the fact that there are so few Men & Women of Vision to advise the President and Republican Party on how to run the country.
According to one letter from Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole Senator Pete Wilson of California, for example, told Bob that he need lament no longer: That there was a Man of Vision and a Bulwark of the Party residing in Pinole, California by the name of PJ Ryan and that Pete trusted me implicitly.
Bob Dole would then ask Senator Wilson if he thought it a good idea to ask PJ if he would like to join the Republican Inner Circle? Senator Wilson thought it a bang on idea and that's why Senator Dole was offering me membership in the Inner Circle.
I would be invited to Washington, shake hands with Ronald and Nancy Reagan, confer with my senator, and then be given a special lapel pin that would identify me as an Insider as well as special credentials to be carried in my wallet and a secret "hotline" telephone number to the White House which would be answered by someone who would carry my opinions directly to the President. (I had hoped for a Secret Decoder Ring, but I supposed that to be reserved for the more Advanced Inner Circleans)
There was but one hitch, a mere formality, really. According to Bob Dole, the Party would require a token payment of $2,000 in cash, all at once, no installments. Now, to some people, this might have been a bit off-putting, even raising some doubts and suspicions.
Not in my case. You see,there is a philosophical difference between Republicans and Democrats. Republicans regard money as something mystic; sort of like a sacrament or the Holy Grail. Democrats on the other hand, crassly prefer sex and drugs to money. Republicans regard the passage of money as an act of faith, almost like prayer.
If I did not pass the money, I could not be truly regarded as one of the Faithful. Unfortunately, I did not have money to pass.
However, times have changed. George "Dubya" is now in power. He has stated that he wants to reach out to all Americans, even to the fiscally stressed. Therefore, I feel that "Dubya" will grant me a sort of scholarship that will get me a pass into the "Inner Circle" and a Schedule C appointment into the Interior Department, preferably the Bureau of Land Management or Fish & Wildlife.
Why these agencies? Well, as they are land management agencies, subject to fraud, exploitation, and abuse, I am sure that "Dubya" as a Bullmoose Republican wants fellow Bullmoose observing operations in these agencies.
Well yes, neighbors. You see the Republican party in divided into two subspecies, The Greedhead Republicans and The Bullmoose Republicans.
The Greedhead Republican congressmen and their constituents are mainly located in the South, the Rocky Mountain West, and Alaska.
Bullmoose Republicans are found mainly in the Northeast and Midwest (though there are a few oases of Bullmoosery in other areas of the nation.)
The Bullmoose wing of the Republican party was founded in 1912 by the sainted Theodore Roosevelt to thwart the Greedhead Republicans of his time. Bullmoose Republicans believe in a strong national defense and fiscal responsibility, but they also realize that large corporations are more liable to be fiscally irresponsible than poor people. Bullmoose Republicans realize that in a David & Goliath contest, David only wins in the Bible. Government better be able to present a convincing Goliath to oppose the Corporate Goliath . According to TR, "It takes a 10 Billion dollar government to whip a billion dollar corporation" (One must adjust for 21st century inflation, neighbors)
More than anything else, Bullmoose push the conservation ethic, TR coming up with the somewhat obvious (though not to Greedheads) dictum that if the very soil, water, and air that we depend upon disappears, then where are we?
Senator Thomas of Iowa, who sponsored the recent no-logging in the National Forests bill is an excellent example of the modern Bullmoose Republican. In the House, Republican Congresswoman Connie Morella scores higher in the League of Conservation voters than all but a handful of Democratic Congressmen.
In the private sector, Ted Turner is a good example of the Bullmoose businessman. Like all devout Republicans, he loves money (and has more of it than Scrooge McDuck) but he uses it to advance a number of progressive social and environmental causes. The same is true of other Bullmoosers such as Bill Gates and David Packard. Like Turner, they have taken intangibles out of thin air and created new forms of wealth.
The Greedhead Republicans are still in the 19th century "dig up, chew up, and chop down" mentality of public natural resource looting, not much more creative than common burglary.
One example of the Congressional Greedhead Republican is Jim Hanson, (R-Utah) head of the house committee on Resources. Hanson may not be the dumbest man in Congress or even the most thoughtless, but he comes damn close. One move that sets Jim's heart a-twittering is the possible disestablishment of Escalante National Monument, which would allow the sale of coal in the present day monument to a Dutch firm, presumably to burn for energy.
Now friends, coal is probably the "Resource of the Future" but one thing we are not going to do with coal in the future is to set it on fire. We may find ways to make it into food or medicine, or plastics or buildings materials, but we won't be dumb enough to burn it. It will be much too valuable and we will be (hopefully) far more wise.
We will skip the aesthetics of an open pit mine in remarkably beautiful wilderness country and the attendant 24 hour rumble of huge trucks and the attendant intellectual disaster of your average mining camp. We instead will cut to the "bottom line" that Greedhead Republicans love so much, but are so strangely silent about. That is, the hidden health and environmental costs of burning coal. Again, we are not talking about sniveling Sierra Club members, whining about not being able to see the Grand Canyon due to coal smoke. We are talking about Death. Coal can kill you.
Most folks don't realize that coal is radioactive and that living downwind of a coal burning facility subjects you to more daily radioactivity than living next to a functioning nuclear power plant. In addition, the 900 million tons of coal burned each year in the U.S. provides the atmosphere with 18 million tons of sulphur dioxide, 5 million tons of nitrogen oxides, all of which make for acid rain and don't do your lungs much good either. In addition, the U.S. coal burn produces nearly its weight in Carbon Dioxide (Granted, we at Thunderbear Enterprises are delighted at this, as we need the CO2 for our proposed huge forests in the former Sahara Desert and central Australia. Unfortunately, the forests aren't on line yet, and the Co2 all goes for global warming, sorry about that!)
There is no particular reason (except Greed) to add to the atmospheric burden by burning Escalante coal and a lot of good reasons not to.
Having Jim Hanson as chairman of the House Resource Committee is bad enough, but we now have Gail Norton as Secretary of the Interior. Unchecked and unattended, such a combination will result in a synergy of bad decisions and even worse results.
Now, Ms Norton is not a stupid woman, but she is an unusually ignorant one. She once remarked in a speech that "We lost too much" when the South lost the Civil War, although she allowed as how slavery was a "bad fact" (Well, yes, Gail. Slavery WAS a "bad fact" and it cost the lives of more than 200,000 union men, mostly fellow Republicans, to turn that unpleasant factual reality into dull historical fact.) She recently announced that drilling for oil would not harm the ecology of the Arctic Wildlife Refuge; a question that has challenged Phd's for decades; men and women who specialize in such matters. Gail solved the problem in the first week on the job.
Ms Norton's opinions on these and other subjects have won her condemnation from both the National Association of Colored People and the Sierra Club ("James Watt in a skirt"), perhaps a "first" for a Secretary of the Interior.
As Christian charity is your Esteemed Editor's middle name, I do not believe Ms Norton to be either stupid or evil. I do believe she will require guidance and training from a Bullmoose Republican to fully achieve her potential and fulfill the mission of Department of Interior.
Knowing full well that "Dubya" is a closet Bullmoose, I am willing to come out of retirement to offer such guidance. I will keep you informed on the progress of my Schedule C appointment.
BELOW THE VOLCANO
A case in point being Popocatepetl. When my wife accepted a teaching position at the University of the Americas in the town of Cholula, our soon-to-be next door neighbor, Popocatepetl was listed in every guide book I read as a "dormant" volcano.
That wasn't the case when we arrived. "Popo" as it is familiarly called, was definitely open for business. For the first time in a thousand years, "Popo" was experiencing a major eruptive phase.
Naturally, we were aware of "Popo"'s new lease on life before we left the States, and Joan was on first name e-mail basis with "Dr. Willie" at the Cascade Observatory in Vancouver, Washington, a unit of the US Geological Survey, which keeps on eye on the Cascade Volcanos, including our very own Mount Rainier, which is a Decade Volcano. (The term "Decade" does not refer to a number of years, but to the fact that Mount Rainier is one of the ten most potentially deadly volcanos in the world, due to its proximity to a high population density and the physical nature of the volcano itself.)
As the Cascade Range is now relatively quiet, "Dr. Willie" and his friends keep up their acquaintance with the 500 active volcanos around the world, a club that Popo had recently rejoined.
Joan and I were understandably curious as to our chances of either being incinerated by Popo or being subjected to long term health hazards from gases and ash.
Normally, only Hollywood Volcanos zap people with rivers of molten lava. (Though I understand that through great dint of effort and disregard of NPS regulations and common sense, several people have managed to become part of Hawaii Volcanos National Park.)
The major threats from volcanos seem to be from pyroclastic clouds and lahars. Pyroclastic clouds are clouds of super heated gas and ash that race down the slope of the volcano at speeds upwards of 200 mph. Nothing, of course, can outrun them. Pyroclastic clouds took out the 30,000 inhabitants of St. Pierre in the Caribbean about a hundred years ago and a similar cloud killed nearly a hundred at Mount St. Helens in more recent times. (Along with some lahars)
A lahar is a huge, fast moving river of mud the consistency or wet concrete that is triggered and fed by the sudden melting of glaciers and deep snow fields on a volcano. A lahar on Ruiz De Nevada volcano in Columbia killed 25,000 people a few years ago. The threat of immense lahars from glacier clad Mount Rainier and its proximity to the Seattle-Tacoma urban area is what makes Mount Rainier a "Decade Volcano".
According to Dr. Willie, cone shaped Popo is a strato volcano (which is not a particularly good model if you're thinking of buying one for the neighborhood). Strato volcanos are often unstable as they consist of alternating layers of lava and ash and can produce pyroclastic cloud blow outs.
Fortunately, Popo is also one of the "leakiest" of the strato volcanos. It is almost continuously venting some form of gas or vapor which lowers pressure and makes an extremely violent eruption less likely. (Popocatepetl rather prosaically translates as "Smoking Mountain" in the Aztec language.
Although Popo is nearly 18,000 feet high, and does sport a very pretty Fuji-like snow field during much of the year, it has no glaciers and thus the danger from lahars is much diminished. Therefore, although Popo is in the backyard of the second biggest city in the world, Popo is not ranked as a "Decade" volcano.
Dr Willie also had some good news, healthwise. It seems that danger from volcanic gases such as sulfur dioxide, carbon dioxide and monoxide are limited to volcanology professionals who work directly on the volcano. (Presumably, only GS-5 seasonals are lowered into the crater to take samples and measurements)
As far as the volcanic ash, that would depend. If the volcanic ash (actually dust) contains free silica, you are definitely in trouble as you can get silicosis which will destroy your lungs. This was one of the reasons for evacuating the population of the island of Montsarrat in the Caribbean. The volcanic dust there was rich in free silica.
So with Dr. Willie's assurances that we would not be mugged by Popo, Joan accepted the appointment at the University of the Americas in Cholula in the state of Puebla, Mexico.
We had an uneventful flight down to Puebla from Washington, DC. (Given the alternatives, "uneventful" is the passionately desired holy grail of every airlines passenger)
We were met by one of the University faculty members at the small but very up to date Puebla airport and driven to Cholula, our home for the next three months.
Cholula is one of those ancient towns you have never heard of. It is older than God (Quite literally, as it was established 200 years before the birth of Christ!) The name "Cholula" is translated as "Place of those who fled" (Fled what? Dallas? Houston?)
At the time of the Spanish Conquest, Cholula had a population of more than 100,000. Indeed, the Ultimate First Tourist, Hernan Cortez, pronounced Cholula the prettiest town in Mexico.
Today's guide books don't go quite that far, but it is a nice looking little town and many travelers speak well of it. After some hard times, starting with the usual European gift of smallpox, the population has crept past the 20,000 mark in recent years.
Cholula's main attraction is its pyramid. Not just any pyramid, mind you, but the biggest pyramid in the world (Yup, bigger than the one near Mexico City, even bigger than the Pyramid of Cheops in Egypt, the one with the sphinx parked next to it.)
It makes for a truly incredible sight, a massive, squat pyramid rising in the center of a dusty little two story town; sort of like Fargo, North Dakota sporting the world's tallest skyscraper.
What really sets off the pyramid is the church that crowns the flat top of the pyramid. It is all white walls, gold and blue tile domes and steeples, providing a flamboyant, late medieval Christian counterpoint to the brooding Meso American edifice beneath.
The Meso-American pyramids differ from the Egyptian ones in that they are not selfish. You remember that the Egyptian versions were basically tombs to satisfy the paranoia of a single individual, the pharaoh who had commissioned it, and don't you dare come near it after the pharaoh is immured within.
The Meso-American pyramids generally were not used as tombs (There were some exceptions) instead, they were working pyramids with folks taking part in various ceremonies and processions on a daily or weekly basis on the steps or flat top of the pyramid.
In addition to being a working pyramid, the Cholula pyramid was a growing pyramid. The Meso Americans were strangely obsessed with Time. They were not obsessive about learning about the wheel, or how to make iron, or the true arch. Their main question was "What time is it?" (It is truly amazing that they didn't invent the wrist watch!) They were deeply interested in astronomy and calendars
The question of time meant cycles, and cycles meant rebirth to the Cholulans. So, every 52 years, there had to be a "rebirth" of the pyramid itself and new pyramid was built on the core of the previous one, creating a structure very much like an onion and growing ever larger.
So here we are, in front of the pyramid and 30 miles from Popo and will provide you with reports from Under the Volcano on a monthly basis.
THE ELECTION
You will recall that the proposition calling for the joining of the National Park Service and the Smithsonian had a substantial lead back in December. That is still the case in January, although there has been a strong resurgence from the proposition asking that the NPS remain in the Department of Interior (Better the Devil we know rather than the Devil we don't!)
However, we have now heard from "Other". You will remember that was the last choice or proposition; a simple blank line in which the voter was invited to write in his/her own suggestion for the future of the National Park Service.
Our write in voter had written in "privatize the parks".
Now, neighbors, this was a possibility that had not occurred to your editor when he made up the list of propositions for the fate of the NPS. This is why he included "Other". It had not occurred to me to sell off the parks and abolish the NPS.
Now the interesting thing is this that this person is not a DFE (Disgruntled Former Employee), an unsuccessful seasonal who was not rehired, or a terminated alcoholic.
On the contrary, the person advocating the privatization of the parks, middling was a highly successful NPS careerist, superintendent of a several sized Western park units and well thought of by his peers. Granted that most NPS superintendents are Republicans through necessity, if not conviction, as most NPS areas are located in conservative rural pockets, it is unusual for a permanent employee to advocate bureaucratic suicide.
So, is there any validity in exploring the privatization option for the national parks? (Your editor did not inquire of the former superintendent for his reasons in suggesting privatization of the NPS) The answer is that virtually all propositions not involving mayhem have at least some validity. Therefore, we shall explore them).
1. THE " AGAINST THE GRAIN" ARGUMENT. The National Parks, in addition to being "The best idea of the American people" according to the British ambassador, Lord Brice, are America's only flirtation with socialism on a national scale. All the other land management agencies are expected and encouraged to open their holdings to "private enterprise" for exploitation. This is not the case of the National Parks, where thestakeholders are allowed to "take only memories" (A Greedhead Republican would be the first to tell you that "memories" don't pay the rent). The U.S. is a society founded upon the sacredness of personal property (including, regrettably, slaves), that it is important that real property be owned by an individual. The sacredness of property was so great that even Thomas Jefferson was not too keen on giving the vote to someone who did not own property.
Ownership of property is not only good for property owner, it is also supposed to be good for the property in that the owner will be inclined to take care of it to preserve or enhance its value. (a number of Washington and Jefferson's slaves selfishly challenged this hypothesis by running away)
At one time, Texas, the home of our 43rd president, had almost no public land, unless you count army bases. There are some, notably the Cato Institute, that would like to see that halcyon condition return to Texas and the rest of the union.
2. THE LIBERTARIAN ARGUMENT. The reasoning for this argument for privatization is that every endeavor should make a profit (or at least break even): that the public at large should not be forced to pay for someone else's hobby or concern (the obvious exception being the police and military). The most pregnant examples for this argument are the various theme parks, notably those of the Disney organization. They are clean, safe, and hassle free, with no danger of armed robbery, murder, or even car clouting, something that cannot be said of all of our National Parks . Even more important, Disney and kindred operations always turn a profit. Indeed, many of the theme parks host a larger annual visitation than Yellowstone or Yosemite.
3. THE FLEXIBILITY ARGUMENT. Due to lack of tenure (and lack of unions) the Private Sector can be more flexible in meeting expanding or contracting demand for employees. In the private sector, Mary will, without question, work more overtime, and Bill can, without question, be sent to Statue of Liberty as fast as he can be gotten on a plane, even though he prefers GrandCanyon. A more talented substitute for Jerry may be discovered and Jerry "outplaced" (fired) with a two weeks notice and agreed upon severance package. Maintenance is particularly subject to "Flexibility" as undocumented alien labor can be "accidentally" hired on a revolving basis and costs further reduced.
So you see, there are compelling arguments for Privatization (and I am sure that Dick Cheney can point out others that I have missed).
On the other hand, there is the Turner Thesis. (Ted Turner that is). You see, even as an embryonic billionaire, Ted thought he should own his very own mountain range. And so it came to pass that Ted is now the only person in the world that has his own mountain range. (Where it is, I'm not sure. On one of his ranches, I believe)
Anyways, Bravo, Ted! Well done!
Why am I not jealous? Well, I imagine because, like you, I too own a number of mountain ranges (and valleys, plains, marshes, swamps, and islands. Like you, on some of them, I can hunt & fish to the best of my ability, collect interesting rocks and plants, and on all of them, I need not fear the wrath of some surly S.O.B. or his minion, pointing to a sign that says NO TRESPASSING! THIS MEANS YOU! and threatening you with the Law or a Winchester.
I refer of course, to our Federal Public Lands.
Ted Turner is right! Everyone should own a mountain range!
A BONE FOR FRANK
The reason that Frank wants to exploit these resources is, like George Mallory's explanation for climbing Everest "Because it's there." and not because we particularly need it. The Arctic Wildlife Refuge has only a limited amount of oil under the most optimistic of estimates; the Tongass is heavily subsidized like most national forest timber operations, and the resulting loss of habitat due to erosion may be disastrous to the future of bothAlaska's fisheries and tourism. (Frank will cross that bridge when he gets to it).
But what if we had a natural "resource" that was not passive? What if we had a natural "resource" with an attitude; a natural "resource" that would come and get us if we didn't get it first? In short, a natural "resource" sort of like Senator Murkowski.
Well now, neighbors, we might have just such a resource in something called Methane hydrate.
You see, back in the days of Danny Dinosaur, there was plenty of surplus carbon stuff lying around, the more solid stuff became coal and the more liquid stuff became oil and natural gas. There was also a rather unpleasant smelling gas called methane (today the chief source of human embarrassment as it is the main ingredient in human flatulence).
Anyways, being a gas, methane sort of hung around in the air (The dinosaurs apparently didn't mind the smell) until the climate changed, and it got real, real cold. Then the methane sort of went away. Where did it go? Well, until quite recently, no one knew for sure or even if it was around in the first place.
So far about 50 oceanic deposits of Methane hydrate have been discovered. These deposits contain about 10,000 gigatons of carbon. How much is 10,000 gigatons? Well, neighbors, that is about twice as much as the COMBINED amount of all the known reserves of coal, oil, and gas in the world. This means, if we can harvest this "resource", the world is effectively home free, energy-wise. We will not need the Arctic Wildlife Refuge oil (We may not even need Frank Murkowski!)
But hark! What is the sinister side of this miracle resource? Remember, we said something about the importance of getting it before it gets us?
Well, the Methane hydrate is now contained in a "lock box" of ice crystals. If global warming increases, there is the possibility that the ice crystals might melt, allowing the Methane to bubble to the ocean surface. Hmmm, bad smell? No. Explosion? No.
The problem is that methane is 20 times more powerful than Co2 as a greenhouse gas. This means that we would revert to the days of Danny Dinosaur, which would be inconvenient. All the ice in the world would melt, including that in your Margarita. Sea levels would rise uncomfortably.
So this means that it might be a good idea for us to sort of sidle up to the Methane hydrate deposits and start pumping them into sort of pressurized containment vessels ("Lock boxes" if you will: We could put Al Gore in charge of that part of the project).
Indeed Methane hydrate recovery and sale might be a good way to distract Senator Murkowski from plundering the Tongass or the Arctic Wildlife Refuge! Sic 'em, Frank!